Need some advice on encounter with ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Need some advice on encounter with ex
2
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 6:55am

Ladies,

I just samw my ex out tonight at a club and this time, unlike half a dozen other times in the past, she was actually out with her girlfriends and not her current boyfriend. We broke up 6 months ago in a somewhat messy breakup b/c as soon as we decided to break up she had immediately went to another guy after being with me for 2 1/2 yrs. Anyway, we kinda reconciled with out any hard feelings 3 months later and I rarely keep in touch with her since then since she is in another relationship and has apparently moved on.

So...I see her out tonight at this club and she comes over to me and we hug and hold each other like we did when we were dating. I have to admit it was very nice holding her in my arms again. It felt really good. We talked for a bit and I then I asked her if she was happy. Then instead of answering she turned the question back on me and asked if I was. I told her to answer firs t and she said yes. I then told her good and that I was happy for he b/c I still care for her alot and want only the best for her. If I couldn't make her happy then at least someone else would. I then said that I was having a good time myslef and had a party at my apt last wknd and had 50 people over and we all had a good time. Then..she started to become a little emotional and I could tell by the changer in her tone of voice. She said."you're having more fun being ouut of our relationship than you were in it aren't you?" and I said yeah, but you are too apparently since you're so happy in your current relationship and she agreed. But then she started ramblin on about some other stuff and started rehashing some stuff and was raising her voice a bit, changing her tone of voice and getting a little emotional. All the while I was calm with her and did not change my tone of voice. My question is...IF she is totally happy and content in her new relationship and is supposedly getting all her needs met in this new relationship why would she get all emotional with me???

She ended up leaving the club shortly after we talked and then she left me a text on my phone saying..."I'm sorry things had to end this way." What does all this mean? Maybe all you ladies out there can put yourself in her shoes and give me a nice interpretation.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:48am

Hi

I think perhaps seeing you again brought back some memories for her. She said she is happy in her new relationship, but maybe things are not as great in it at the moment, so seeing you again brought back the good memories of you two together. This is only speculation, because of course, she could be having a good time in her current relationship, and jut is sad about the way things ended with you, because she remembered how they ended when she saw you. I wouldn’t read too much into this.

She seems to feel sorry for the demise of your relationship, but I think in reality she feels sorry for her part in ending it or things are not that great in her life right now, so she fells sorry for herself. Maybe she is not that happy right now, and maybe she is stretching the truth when she says she is having a wonderful time, but it does not mean she wishes to get back with you. Maybe the new guy was just a rebound, she got with him to deal with the hurt that the end of your relationship caused, but it does not matter, because she is not telling you she misses you. People feel sorry for what they did and said, but they usually do not want to go back to something that for them did not work out.

Take her apology for what it is, just a sorry for something that happened and is long over. That is all. Do not dwell on the meaning of it, because there is nothing else there. There is no deeper meaning, and especially if she was the one that was pushing for the break up, and in any case seems to have moved on, you should just let this one go.

If she feels bad about things in her life and seeing you brought back the unpleasant way things ended with you, that is her problem, not yours. She is not telling you anything meaningful. She fells bad at the moment about how things ended, so what?
No one can change the past and she is not telling you anything that would change the present either. Dismiss this message she sent you. It means nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 2:07pm
Sounds like she went to this other guy on the rebound and she hasn't fully healed her feelings for you. Doesn't mean she wants you back so don't get your hopes up. k?

I was with my ex for 5 years and he moved on( with someone else!) but I didn't and when I saw him 2 weeks ago I broke down and cried. It just hurts to know I was with him for sooo long and he seems so happy and that hurts. I want him to hurt like I do BUT I know I don't want him back. Too much has gone on between us.

Best of Luck to you!!