Why do men move on so fast?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Why do men move on so fast?
10
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 12:16am
I'll try to keep it very short since it's quite a saga. The big question I have is this. WHY? My ex of 11 months and I broke up over the phone. 2 days later he puts a profile on a dating site and starts chatting with a woman on day 3 of our breakup! Since then they have been talking, emailing etc. for hours!!!! She is totally smitten with him and he seems to be as well. It's only been a week and yet they're acting all "in love"! So my question is how can a man who supposedly loved me and wanted to spend his life with ME and want a perfect relationship with ME move on so quickly????? How could he tell ME doesn't want to be without ME and a few days later I don't exist?!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 6:23am
Him being on a dating site and already talking to some other girl is not real. It is called rebound and it won't be anything I asure you that!

A simple answer to your question would be he is a coward! Unhealthy Men in general will behave in this way.

Never mind him for now. You take good care of yourself and whatever you do, DO NOT run after him or beg him to come back, it won't work. You have to do absolute NO CONTACT.

My story, I met a wonderful guy, all was going fantastic. I mean we clicked and all that. He was so loving to me. 3 month later he tells me that he needs space, I gave it to him and that was 2 weeks ago. Ihave not contacted him once. He was honest about it and Iguess it was better to hear the truth. He also told me he was interested in someone and he needed to find out why.

I am a smart and absolute beautiful woman =HIS LOSS! He will be back this I know, only , I won't take him back!

So my point to this, never ever run after a man. If he is doing this now, imagine the life you have with him later.

I am out dating and have fun. I take things easy and make myself happy.

Watch a lot of Sex in the City:-)

Remeber HIS LOSS!

Huggs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 5:55pm
Well, im no expert, but since im in kind of the same train, ive read some stuff and this is what i could gather. ITs not that men move on quicker, its that they deal with it differently. WE hide out curling in front of the TV with a pint of ice cream and a sappy movie, they go out to bars, get drunk and meet women who would "make them forget". He might be acting like he is totally over you, when in reality he's just trying to cope. Then again, maybe the reason why he wanted to break up was just so he could go on dating someone else. Either way, if you feel like you didnt mean much to him, dont, you probably did, he might just be dealing with it his own way
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 3:39pm
EASY

all that years of rejection since school and parties and bars , make them develop an attitude of "whatever"...

I mean , they may like and love one woman but they have always present in the minds (and hearts) that most women have been too picky with them I think , and when a break up comes, they may cry a day or two, then return to their "whatever" feelings and move on.

Thats what ive seen on my sons, they loved their girlfriends but when it was over, they were happily hanging out 2 or 3 days later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 7:04am
wow Ms morgan u almost hit the nail...

yah its almost tru but also I see an excessive time of mourning , a loss of time.

The worst I ve been was 3 or 4 days very sad and the 5th day was Friday so.... there was a party ;) and all sadness eventually went away

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 4:54pm
Here's the problem, seeing it from most women's perspective (not mine by the way...) When women put a lot of time and energy into a relationship and it ends, we mourn and mourn about it and start thinking we'll never find anyone like him, and we start worrying that we'll end up all alone in this life, especially if we are already over 30 or something. We hate the fact that we put so much time in a relationship that we expected to end in marriage, and now that it ended and we didn't get anything from it, it sucks that now we're here, 3 or 5 years later, 3 or 5 years OLDER, and in the same situation as before... SINGLE! But now we're 5 freaking years older and screwed up cuz now we're older and it just gets damn harder to find someone to marry us. Isn't that so?

As for the guys, what do they care about? They can be 40, 45, even 60 years old and they will always find a woman that will want to marry them. Men never have to worry about being single for the rest of their lives.

Isn't that sad? This is all society's fault, including us women. We see a group of 5 women at a bar, with no guys, and we think it's pathetic... Poor girls, they're trying to hook up with a guy, any guy that will just talk to them. We see a group of 5 guys at a bar, and we think, they're really having fun... How cool... We see a 40-year old guy who is single and we think "He's single by choice, or he's picky, or he has high standards"; we see a 40-year old single woman and we think "Poor woman, she can't find a man to marry her". True or not?

How sad...

My advice? Don't let your life revolve around men and trying to find a guy to marry you to be happy. So what if you never get married or have kids? Whatever... Be a whatever women... You'll be happier... Try to find happiness and fullfillment in other precious things in life, your career/work, hobbies, friends, family, etc, things you can control.

Many women rather marry a looser that doesn't appreciate them, that cheat on them, treat them poorly, cuz they'd rather "have a man" than be alone. Being alone scares them like hell, they're willing to sacrifice their happiness, their worthiness as a person, just to be with someone. They're scared that people will judge them or feel sorry for them if they're not married by age 40. They end up living the lives that society expects them to, rather than live their lives according to their own values and ideals. That's pathetic.

You only live once, why not live it your way???

Me, I'm different. Never been that type of woman. I love my life, I have plans and goals in my life, none of them have anything to do with getting married. I don't even wanna have kids, never been the nurturing maternal type. I'm 27 years old, and I've never worried about ever getting married. Yes, it would be really nice to find that special someone to share my life with. But I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve. And if I don't find him, what the heck... I'll always have me...

I just broke up with my boyfriend, I think he was cheating on me. Not 100% sure about it, but I just didn't trust him. He's the type of guy that always needs to have women in his life to fill up his emptiness. I couldn't put enough time or attention to our relationship cuz I work and study full time. He kind of blamed it on me saying that when I can't be around he feels very lonely and needs some company and that's why he calls his other women friends, just to "hang out". Yeah right... I won't be with a guy that doesn't feel that I'm enough woman for him. So what if he has to spend a few nights alone in his apartment. We can always talk on the phone. For cying out loud, there are so many fun stuff he can do by himself! Go work out at the gym, read a book, take a hobby, watch tv, hang out with the guys. I wish I had more time to do all those things! Things I love to do by myself. But well, I guess people are different. I enjoy my own company, I really do. But there are people that just need other people to fill up the emptiness in their lives. What the heck... To each his own...

I'm single again, I won't deny I miss my ex, we had so much fun together and I really enjoyed his company. But one thing I learned about myself and how I feel about men... Having a man in your life is great, but that's just a "supplement" in your life, makes you feel fuller, maybe happier, and it definitely puts more fun in your life. But they are not a "complement". You don't NEED them to have a happy and fullfilling life.

Maybe that's how the guys feel about women???




Edited 11/7/2004 5:10 pm ET ET by icrazy_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 5:38pm
yea time rushes fatser for girls.

Thats why I ll never understand why they then r soo picky , are so devoid of any initiative and seem not to care at all for so many men that approach them... seem not to b aware that theyre running against time , that is, if they wanna marry I mean

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 6:31pm
I know this is hard on you and I'm sorry you're in pain. I don't think the fact that he's moved on so fast means that he loved you any less....some people move on by rushing into other relationships....he's on the rebound and it probably won't last and I know it still hurts you regardless and I wish there was something we could do to take that pain away. Just try and stay busy and we're here if you need us. Good luck and keep us posted!!









Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 8:22am


I don’t think that men get over it any quicker or any easier than the women.. in fact in my case, it’s the opposite.

Its 10 months since me and my ex(three and something years broke up) she dumped me and moved on quicker than a travelling carnival following reports of crime in the area..

Myself, just this morning I woke up thinking about, and missing her.

So, its different for everyone, end of the day – we all get through it somehow..

Fingers crossed.

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 5:09pm
(((Joel)))
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 11:43am
Thanks! I have been strong and have not had any contact with him. He has called a few times "just wish we could talk" HA - not happening! He actually IMd me wanting a pic back. Please! I am so looking after myself and moving on and leaving him behind. He is totally just using this new woman and I really feel for her. Don't know anything about her but she must be desperate to fall in love with a man she met online within a month! Sad but there are women who are not as stong as you and I. We both will be better off without these losers. I KNOW THAT! Support from others is key and I thank you for your advice and input. Keep me posted on your progress.