I dont understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
I dont understand
2
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 6:36pm
So..im hurt. I was going out with this great guy, we meet at work and a friend of mine told me that he had liked me since the first time he saw me. THis job is kind of unusual because we all have to live together and work together so it is kind of inevitable that when there is some sort of attraction between coworkers something will happen. In any case, one week were we had a lot of activities things started happening. It ended up with us starting dating and what not. THe first two weeks were awesome, i could not beleive it was actually happening. However, he kept having this doubts about being able to be with me because, as an engineer major he has a lot of work to do during the school year and felt that we wouldnt be together as much. ANyway, school started and as promised he started being distant. Not because of school work, but just in general. He didnt talk to me anymore, we hardly ever went out and when we did we would just get physical. I talked to him a few times about it and he listened. In fact we were doing pretty good til our first month aniversary. He came over and we started making out. After a while he said he had to go and i joked that he only came when he wanted to make out. He got serious and asked me if thats what i really thought. I said no but in a way i did. He said that sometimes he felt like he was using me and he didnt want that. I told him that the only way he would be using me it was if all he wanted was "this" (by that meant making out) to what he said that he wasnt sure. I imediately reacted and left the room. I did not want to be used so i called him up and broke up with him. He asked me for another chance and explain to me that what he meant was that he wasnt sure if he wanted a serious steady relationship yet. I then accepted to stay and thought it would be ok. The next week he acted really distant and cold. I asked his roommate and he hinted that he had changed his mind and wanted to break up. I then talk to him and he broke up with me. TO this day im confused as to why he broke up after asking me to stay. Im hurt and since i have to see him every day, its not getting any easier, specially because he acts hurt and never wants to be alone with me. I asked him if we could talk but he doesnt want to. I dont know what to do. I know we have to fix this because we have to live together for almost a year and a half, but i dont know how. If anyone knows what should i do, please help me!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cr8sea
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 9:29pm
Sounds like a tough situation because you still have to see him. As to why he broke up with you after asking you to take him back it probably has something to do with how awful most people feel after someone breaks up with them. It could be that he was asking to come back just so he could break up with you.

In any event, this sounds like a summer romance. It sounds like you're both young, so even though this hurts, you will have other loves.

He just sounds too wishy-washy, too unsure of what he wanted. Believe me, you're a lot better off having this end sooner rather than later. Think about how it would feel to have him coming over every weekend and then getting cold and distant. Cold and distant is never good, especially in the beginning of a relationship.

I know it's easy for me to say you should just move on with your life and forget him. I know that's easier said than done, but ultimately I think that's what you'll have to do. He probably won't want to talk to you. He probably feels guilty for what he did. He sound confused and insecure. Let him be. There's plenty of men in the world, and I bet you can find one who will be sure he wants to be with you and who'll treat you well.

Hugs,

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
In reply to: cr8sea
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 5:43pm
thank you for replying to my message. A lot of what you say makes sense and i know it, and even though i wish things had worked out better there's nothing i can do. We are both relatively young, I am 21 and he's 22, so it doesnt help matters, however we do have to work and go to school together every day, so i was wondering if you have any suggestions for me to try and make things not so awkward when it comes to work with him. I know most of it is him, but i want to do whatever i can to fix this. Thank you so much