Confused...
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| Sat, 10-23-2004 - 11:03pm |
I dated this guy for three months (not a long time). But during the times we spent together, we had a great time with one another. The big problem was that I rarely saw him. Maybe every other week or in some cases would have to e-mail him to see if he would be available to get together...just me and him. We were spending a lot of time with his friends (some of whom are mine as well). So it was hard to set aside time for one another when he also had to focus on work...even on weekends. I told him that I was supportive of his career and would stand by him. Even worked around his busy schedule just so that we could see one another. Setting aside a day together sort of worked...but it faded...fast!
The real problem was that recently, he and I had not seen one another in three weeks. He recently got a job promotion that does not allow him any free time let alone time to just breathe. Again, I am totally supportive and have told him that. Even encouraged him to go for the new position (something I still to this day do not regret doing). He was having a problem with time management and being around and available for me. I would ask him if he wanted to get together and he said that he would have to get back to me. He also could not make promises. There were several occassions where we would make plans and he would have to break them with me. I understood. But he felt that I deserved better. I do!
He broke up with me solely based on the reason that he does not have time to invest in the relationship. I sort of feel that he wants to invest time in it but he just can't find the time. He feels that it should be given his absolute attention but I have been feeling a little insecure about if that really is the case and that simply he has just lost interest. He didn't want to just put me aside and see me at his convenience because it is unfair to me. Also, if he did put me aside and we broke up temporarily, that we would get back together again. False hopes right there and I wasn't buying into that one. But his problem was that if he did that, he couldn't guarantee when because his work was getting in the way. So I'm not the type to sit around waiting for any guy...
I told the "workaholic" that his work should not be his life. That there is more to life than focusing mainly on work. But that I was understanding of his situation during the transition period. He made no mention that we would get back together or even said that usual "any guy would be lucky to have you" or "you'll find someone else soon." I found that weird that he made no mention of that to me. He also made no mention that I should go out and date other people...not sure if others think that it's weird but I do.
My problem here is, should I have been more agressive? The real kicker is that he and I are in agreement that we get along really well, have the best time together, and that we even make one another laugh. So overall, the relationship is a good one...just not one where we can actually enjoy it at the same time. Am I better off? I just can't seem to let go because even though the feelings are premature at only three months and that I haven't seen him much, my feelings are strong for this guy. And something about him doesn't want me to let go (even though I should). He wanted to be just friends...but my impression is to be friends solely for convenience since we have the same group of friends. Been there, done that and it doesn't work! I am trying to be strong and told him that I was cool with being "just friends" despite the awkwardness of it all. Have I done anything wrong? Should I have done something better? I tried the, "let's set aside Friday just for us" but he wouldn't buy it because things are so unpredictable with him. Help!!!! Opinions and suggestions on how to cope are welcome. Thanks!
-deedee275

I'm not saying these things to be mean or to hurt your feelings. It sounds like you really liked him a lot, loved him even, but he really doesn't sound interested. So as far as being friends goes, if you can handle that, go for it. If you love him and will always want more, tell him your feelings for him are too strong to be just friends and avoid him at all costs.