in shock and need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
in shock and need support
1
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 10:54pm
my boyfriend of two+ years and i just broke up, literally, a few hours ago, and i don't know what to do. by all means i should just go to bed and sleep, but i just can't. our relationship wasn't perfect; we had some major problems, a former breakup, and just a couple of months ago he moved to tennessee while i stayed in northern virginia. we agreed to keep the long distance relationship going, and for a while everything was great. when he came home for a weekend, i saw him only for a few hours; i tried to call and see him but he just didn't seem to be able to make room for me. he left without seeing me, saying he overslept and could not miss his flight- i understand that, but the only reason i found out was that i happened to sign online that morning. i also found out that he wouldn't be home again until december, when i thought he'd be here for thanksgiving, and i was devestated. we had a huge argument, where i told him i thought that we should do more to show that we care for each other, and i thought he understood how hurt i was... but then we didn't talk for an entire week, and what little conversation we had was meaningless. i really wanted to work things out, or at least try- i felt like after being together for so long we were committed enough to work through problems, but he finally told me today that he felt like he wasn't able to do this. i agree with him, we needed to break up, and i feel like i deserve better than what he gave me, but i still love him and i was so hopeful that we could make things work, and i'm so let down that he didn't even want to try. i've never been dumped before, it's always been me who wanted to end the relationship, and this is a tough position to be in. we have great chemistry, we're so good together, and i'm scared that i'll never be able to replace the wild and wonderful person he is. i hate the fact that it's over, and right now it feels impossible to move on. we're still friends, but he knows that i'm hurt and angry. i know i'll have to pack up all his pictures and put away everything that reminds me of him, just to move on, but i haven't been single in a very long time and i'm scared of what that wll be like. there have been some big changes in my life recently, including a relocation, and my close friends aren't near enough to really provide the comfort i need right now. more than anything i just need advice or just support of some kind. i was so comfortable in this relationship despite all of its flaws, and breaking up was such a scary thought that i couldn't bring it up, but i'm the one who did tonight and when i asked him if we should, and he said yes, it was just such a shock to me. i feel let down and lied to, like he didn't really care about me like he said he did, and i hate the fact that i still care about him so much, especially when i know i deserve something better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 11:15pm
It's ok, hon things will get better. : ) (((HUGS))) Long distance relationships are hard on everyone. You guys tried and it didn't work. I know the disappointment that you feel, that you really had hopes that things would work out. I've been there myself and it's not an easy pill to swallow. Going to bed isn't going to help, you'll probably just stay awake. Things tumble through your mind over and over again and you may just start to think what if you had done something different. Try not to do this or beat yourself up. You may want to take up reading to help your mind go someplace else.

Being afraid of being single is understandable but it is not the end of the world. Things will be just fine. :) Trust me. You'll be able to spread your wings and learn to enjoy things in a new way, but first, there are all those dreaded stages. Take things one moment at a time. Take the time to cry and mourn this loss, you'll feel like a roller coaster of emotions a lot and you may not feel like eating. If you don't eat, please at least keep yourself hydrated. But know that you aren't alone in this, there are many of us who have been in the very same spot and if you need to talk, post here or e-mail me.

It's only natural for you to still care about him, you've spent a lot emotionally in each other and now it has come to and end. Someday you can look back on this compared to where you are and see that it wasn't so bad after all in the mean time I wish you the stength to make it through and the promise and hope of a new chapter of your life. : )