I don't know how to deal with this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
I don't know how to deal with this...
2
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:00pm
Hello there .. I had posted on another board not realizing that I should be posting my story on here ... thank god for this board, I need to vent ...

Well ... I was dating this amazing guy for about 4.5 months and he ended things on Friday night with me. The worst part of this whole story is he did it on MSN .. of all places, he couldn't tell me in person (I believe because he was too chicken to say half the things he said .. it's easy to say anything on a computer) .. regardless .. here is the story ....

We'd been dating since the beginning of June and things were going amazing .. we were so happy together and I had no idea this was coming. In the last year .. both his parents passed away seperately in the span of six months from each other ... so that has been tremendously hard and we never really spoke about them, well he never brought them up .. even though we shared a lot of personal things ... anyways next month will be the one year anniversary of his mom's death ... and he'd been down last week because he's not doing well in school and work isn't taking a toll on him ... so a lot of things aren't good....

Anyways things were great with us before the week he got depressed and out of nowhere he told me he and I couldn't be together right now ... he went from saying that together he hoped we could be to I don't care about you like that anymore ... it's just hard to believe that his feelings for me changed overnight ... I'm not clinging to false hope here, but is he pushing me away because he needs to deal with the things in his life without the added pressure of a relationship?

I haven't talked to him since Friday night and he's tried emailing me to get a hold of me and is asking questions through one of his closest friends to get information about me now ... like ... I don't know if I can just be his friend ... we were together from the start and I just can't shut off my feelings like that! I was falling in love with him and I know in my heart he does care about me ... I just don't know what to do ...

I don't want to sound selfish, because I know he's dealing with a lot ... but what advice do you have for me?

Thanks .. Lynne

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 7:06pm
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have no doubt that the death of his parents is affecting his ability to be in a r'ship with you...but that's something HE needs to work out for himself. Whether he can or will do that...who knows.

But YOU need to take care of yourself and start moving on. And that means NOT being friends with him right now. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation. If and when you get to the point of no longer having any romantic feelings for him, then you can re-connect as friends. But in the meantime, no.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:57pm
The hardest thing here is I know it has nothing to do with me. It's not like he met another girl or doesn't have feelings for me ... he just can't "be with me right now". How can someone's feelings just change for me overnight? And if they didn't, why is he telling himself they did ... I don't get it. I hurt so much because I miss him and wish he could hold me like he used to. How am I going to get through this? I don't wanna just be his friend ... this isn't fair. Sorry I'm complaining .. I just need to get this off my chest....thanks for listening...

Lynne