It's been 6 months....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
It's been 6 months....
3
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:03pm
...and I still think about him constantly.I miss him so very much..and I think I'm still in love with him... How long does it take to get past a break up? I have no desire to date anyone else, or go out...I know I should make myself, but I just can't..

I feel I'm stuck in this grief...am I? or is it normal..? We were together for 5 years..

But...

He contacted me a few days ago and said he wanted to talk to me and see me...said he misses me and thinks of me everyday. I am curious as to what he has to say, as I have had no closure..(maybe that's why I can't move on?) I'm terrified to see him, in a way, because I'm afraid I'll lose what little ground I have managed to gain...but at the same time, NOT talking to him hasn't seemed to work either. We had had no contact for 6 weeks or so before he finally contacted me again. I had cut it off so as to try to move on...

I told him I would see him, but I kind of think he'll "chicken out"..since I haven't heard back from him yet, and he's supposed to come for dinner tomorrow night...

does anyone have any advice for me? or anything at all to offer?

thanks so much in advance....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:08pm
I think it's a mistake to see him at this point, especially having him come OVER for dinner (if I'm reading your post correctly).

It also sounds like for the better part of six months, you were in contact (you only did no contact for the last six weeks, it sounds like?). That is definitely a factor in why you haven't really begun to move on yet. I'd say you need a good six *months* of no contact to really start to make progress. And a five year r'ship...that is going to take a whole bunch of time to get over...there's just no avoiding that. But until you put together months of no contact, the clock doesn't start.

As for "closure", that's not something you get from him or anything he has to say...that comes from you and acceptance that the two of you aren't right for each other.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:17pm
Thank you for your response, and so quickly!

anyway, we have not spoken very much at all in those 6 months. We broke up the first of May, and sometime in July, he began contacting me again, just to chit chat...so we spoke on and off, not daily, maybe weekly a little bit in IMs. After a while..I found it just made me upset..so..In September I decided no contact...so...the first of October, he contacted my daughter....telling her he misses me...etc...and then last Saturday, he contacted me again. So....that's how that went.

So, not a good idea for dinner eh? I guess I was hoping for an explanation...but really, I know I won't get one anyway...so, you're probably right.

sigh....

I don't think I'll hear from him anyway...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:31pm
Well, it's not the AMOUNT of contact that matters, it's whether you have ANY or not. So you definitely need to have a long period of NO contact so you can start to move on.

I would block him from emailing, IM'ing or calling you, and ask your daughter not to tell you when he's called (I'm assuming she's old enough to decide whether she wants to be in contact with him...if she's a child, then he shouldn't be contacting her without your permission, period, IMO).

Sheri