We just broke up

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
We just broke up
2
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 5:08pm
My boyfriend and I broke up today. We'd been together for just over a year, and had had a wonderful, drama-free, fun relationship. 3 months ago he got a lucrative job offer in North Carolina and moved there from Boston (where we lived, separately, and I still live.) We knew embarking on a long distance relationship would be difficult, but we decided to stay together and try it out, see how it worked. I visited him in Sept. and we had a wonderful weekend together. At the end I asked what he thought and what our next step should be. He said he was unsure. He loved me and missed me and there was no one else, but distance was hard and he didn't know what we should do. We decided not to schedule another trip for awhile and see how things went. So the past 2 months we've talked, emailed, all the normal things. But I knew we'd need to make a decision about a visit and moving forward, or not.

I posed a second trip in November and he waffled. I needed to schedule my vacation time with work pronto, so I phoned his office today and we talked. At first he said he didn't know what weekend would work, then he switched and said he'd probably be busy. It was obvious he was still unsure and trying to put it off. I pressed more and he admitted he didn't know what we should do but he didn't think a visit was a good idea. I told him if he was unusre about even seeing me, that we couldn't do this. We agreed that it was hard being in between and not knowing whether we should move ahead or end things completely. So, we did what was best, we ended it. I am glad we ended it well - and we agreed we'd want to be in touch. I think we both knew this was coming, it's just hard to realize it is actually here and we actually broke up.

I know it is the best thing for us, but I am angry at the situation. It just doesn't seem fair. No one cheated, no one grew bored, there were never any problems - it was an equation: time vs. distance. And we weren't strong enough to survive the distance. I just feel like we were cheated. If he had not moved, he'd be here, and then how would have things worked out?

Right now, I just feel sad. And will be so hard to get used to not being with him, not having him, not calling each other nicknames. Even when we were breaking up, we were calling each other honey and baby. He was the first guy I really loved (I'm 24, he's in his 30s). And that means a lot too.

Anyway, this was rambling, but felt good to get it out. If anyone has input, or insight, I'd appreciate it. Just feel kind of low.

Thanks,

Ea

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ea12345
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 5:50pm
Hey there, I followed your situation on the LDR board...I'm sorry to hear of your breakup but not surprised, given what you'd posted in the past.

I would urge you to take a break from being in contact with him for a while...I know things are on good terms and you want to stay in contact, but taking a couple months with no contact will do you a world of good. You can re-connect as friends once you're completely over him.

The situation IS unfair, for sure, but it is what it is. If you were right for each other, it would have worked out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: ea12345
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:20pm
Oh sweetie!!! (((Hugs))) I know you two have really been struggling with this LDR for awhile now and I'm so sorry that things had to end this way. I'm sure you're right though....it was better to end it now and in the way you did then to wait any longer.....the uncertainty can hurt. I know this will take some time to get used to but we're here to help!! Good luck and keep us posted!!
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