How do you know if you were in love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
How do you know if you were in love?
7
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:03pm
Quick question for all you folks on here...how do you know if you are or were in love with someone you are or were in a relationship with?

I've been thinking about this the past few days ever since I ran into my ex at a club. She said that it was good thing that we broke up because I loved her, BUT was never "in love" with her. It's been a little over 6 months since we broke-up and I still thinking about her almost everyday! Does that mean I was in love with her or just missing being in a relationship? My friends and I discussed this and we thought that when you're in love with someone and you break up you do think about them all the time and when you are in a relationship with them you want to do nice things for them just because you care for them so much. So what do you guys think? How do you know if you were in love with someone and actually miss the person or do you just miss the realtionship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 10:51pm
That's a tough one!! I think that different people know they're "in love" in different ways. I personally know that I'm in love when I'd do just about anything for that person (I still won't sacfice my morals).....when I know that I'd take a bullet for that person.....and that I don 't want to be without that person....I know I'm "in love". As for wheter you miss your ex or the relationship.....it's tough to say but if you didn't start truly wondering whether you had been in love with her until you ran into her at the club....I'd have to wonder that maybe you're just thinking about her because you saw her and she was happy and pointed out you weren't in love with her so now you want to prove whether or not she's right....if that makes any sense.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 1:17am
Heidi, thanks for the response. I did however begin thinking if in fact I was "in love" with right after we broke up in April. I did so b/c I did not want to lose out on her if in fact she was "the one" I didn't want her to be the girl that some people refer to as, "the one that got away." Damn, relationships suck! They're so hard mentally and emotionally. Because of the crap I'm going through now is the exact reason why this was my first serious relationship. I never wanted a serious relationship with anyone b/c of all the emotional stuff one has to deal with, not only in the relationship but all the stuuf one deals with at the end of a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:43am
In my opinion...... You know you are in love when all you can think about is the other person. You want to make them happy in every way possible. You think about them in the morning when you wake up, through out the day, and at night when you sleep. You couldn't imagine life without them. If you think something bad has happened to them you get an empty feeling that doesnt go away until you know that they are okay. You worry about them if they do something you think they shouldn't. You immagine what your children will look like or how your lives will be when you are 60. You can't stand the thought of losing them or feel like you would just die if you did lose them. You are willing to stand behind them in whatever they do. You support them 100% in the decisions that they make. I could go on and on but I think that you get the idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:08pm
If you didn't start thinking about if you love her or not until after the breakup I think there is a good chance that it wasn't love. If it were you would have been thinking about it in the begining and throughout the relationship. The thing about after is that we spend timee thinking about only the good. Almost glorifying everything. When you are in love you will know it. It is one of those things that you con't describe, but it is unmistakable. Hope that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:28am
According to all your definitions of being in love, it is obvious that my ex was definitely in love with me at least more so than I was with her. The thing that really bugs me and really hurts is that she so easily moved on from our relatonship. The day she called me to officially say it's over I saw her out with another guy later that night. She started dating another guy so soon after we broke up! How can someone who was supposedly so in love with someone else move on so quickly and immediatley jump into another relationship? Does that mean they never really in love?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 5:54pm
You'll probably never know why. But if she was in love with you then my guess is that she was hurting and the the best way she knew how to deal with that void was to fill it. I can tell you that she probably didn't care about him. But it's easier to have someone there for some people. Even a distraction. At least not then. Sounds like a classic rebound. Guys are famous for them. Eventually she had/has to deal with the loss of your relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 11:52pm
You're right, all this breaking up stuff does really suck but it's a chance you take to be happy with that special someone. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but you never know until you try and I think it's better than never trying and never truly being happy and always wondering how it could have been.
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