Help with breaking up after 6 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Help with breaking up after 6 years
5
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 7:12pm
O.K. I have been with my bf for over 6 years and I am very unhappy with the relationship. For the last 3 years it really hasn't even been a relationship, no sex, he lives in my house and we sleep in the same bed, I am luck to get a kiss goodnight. Ther is no romance, we never go on dates. During our entire relationship we have never went anywhere like on vacation or a romatic weekend away. I am 25 and he is 30. So on Saturday I brought this up and told him telling him I wasn't happy and I can't go on being unhappy and that I am going to be 26 this year and I don't want to live like this anymore, I want to get married have children and I feel like I am wasting my time being in a bad relationship and he agreed and said he felt the same. I told I didn't know what else to do anymore that we were not right for each other. I left that night to dinner w/ my parents and told him to think about what we need to do. Well Sunday he woke up went and layed on the couch watched football all day, I didn't really get out of bed until about 2:00. His friend stopped by my house and they sat and watched football, I went out mowed the lawn and he didn't even come and offer to help. Then he asked if I wanted to go to dinner w/them and I said no, he left. So we didn't really talk about anything. This always happen I tell him what I feel and he agrees and then the next day he acts like nothing is wrong. Yesterday I left at 4:00 am to go skiing and when I got back we went to dinner and he acted like nothing was wrong. How do I make him realize that we need to do something about this! I really just want to move on and find happiness and love! Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:14pm

You write: "How do I make him realize that we need to do something about this! I really just want to move on and find happiness and love! Please help!"

Give him a date when you want him to move out. Start bringing boxes home for him to pack his stuff.

Put an ad in the local paper for a roommate if the reason why he's there is to help split the rent/mortgage.

Start doing more things with your girlfriends. Load up your calendar with activities. Get your hair cut and colored and go buy new makeup. Make him not a part of the new life you're starting to create for yourself, because he's had his chance and has blown it and you've got to be about the business of getting what you want and doing what it takes to put a smile on your face. He's heard you and has dismissed you and your concerns. Take it as it is and move in a different direction--towards what you want. He can't provide it.

When you begin changing tack, he'll have to change, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 10:37pm
What do you truly want?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 8:01pm
Thanks for all of your replys. I don't want the relationship to continue, we have let things go wrong for to long, I don't have any feelings of love for him anymore, but I can't tell him to leave for some reason, I feel sorry for him! I don't need him there to help support me since he doesn't pay rent to me, he only pays for groceries, he doesn't help with utility bills, nothing! We don't have sex anymore, it has been about 2 years or more... I don't really remember. I know what I have to do, but it is hard for me to tell someone to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 11:14am

You don't have a BF, you have a freeloader mootching roommate.

You both agree that this relationship is NOT what you want. And yet he does nothing and acts like nothing is wrong. Because you never resolve it!! You're all talk. He figures, if you were really that unhappy, you'd kick his ass out. If you were really unhappy and wanting out, you wouldn't continue to stay. But he isn't going to get up and walk away from this sweet deal he's got going now! Think of all the money he saves with his sugar momma--YOU.

"Help with breaking up after 6 years"??

How about you tell him (better yet, YOU pack his things and tell him) that you both are prolonging the inevitable and that you want him out. Tell him you've wasted over six years on a man who's just not that into you and you CHOOSE to end it now. Don't let him act like nothing is wrong. If he plays dumb refresh his memory.

"I know what I have to do, but it is hard for me to tell someone to leave."

This is where self esteem is created and built. It's not a given, it's earned. It's hard for you to tell him to leave because you feel sorry for him!!? Isn't it harder to be a volunteer hostage to your own doings by NOT having the courage to stand up for yourself? Don't feel sorry for him, he feels the same way. You won't be breaking his heart, you'll be freeing yours.




Edited 1/20/2005 11:20 am ET ET by angelicafox
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 10:09pm
I know it's hard to tell someone to leave....there is no gentle way to say it or nothing you can really do to ease the pain.
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