So for roughly three months you've been handling it okay, but suddenly around two weeks ago the weight of it all just hit you hard, right? "Why is this happening now?" The answer to that is probably right under your nose. Why IS it now really getting to you? Did you run into him? Is it edgeing closer to the would be wedding date? Did you recieve a wedding pressent from an uninformed person? Did you have to attempt to get your money back on something wedding related? Or were you just in denial, living the fantasy in your head that he'd come to his senses and be begging you to come back, now that hasn't happened and reality has set in?
"Do you think I should attempt to be friends with him?"
I don't know. What qualities do you look for in a friend? Loyalty? Honesty? Character? The boy left you and hasn't looked back. Is that sort of thing highly valued to you in friendship?
"Will talking to him just make me feel worse?"
Yes. Because you'd be calling from a place of vulnerability and sadness. Because I bet in the back of your mind you're thinking if you did call "just to chat", he'd see what a mistake he made and beg your forgiveness and to come back. Then when that didn't happen (cause if it were to happen it would have by now) you'd be crushed all over again. Talk about kicking yourself when your down.
"Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can or should do?"
Therapy might help. Or trying to step back and examine things with a harsh brutal lense of honesty. 5 years you gave and invested in this guy. After five years, he still doesn't believe you are TheOne. You may find solace and a boost of flattery in the book HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Your XF was into you, he stuck around for 5 years, but when it came down to the bottom line, he wasn't THAT into you.
It sucks and it hurts and there is no shame in grieving for the relationship you had and wished you'd had with him. Right now it seems like you've lost it all, but in truth you've gained. You've been set free by a guy who wasted 5 years of your life. You've been liberated to go out there and meet the man who doesn't need half a decade to realize that he doesn't want to live another day with out knowing you'll be there til death do you part.
This is actually pretty normal. You are finally REALLY starting to accept, in your heart and soul, that it's over. Especially with a r'ship as long as yours, it takes some time for the heart to catch up with the head. The first couple months, you're kind of in shock...and now reality is finally setting in.
Definitely DO NOT call him. You will set yourself WAY back if you do so. This feeling WILL pass, if you continue to not contact him, and you focus on accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other.
You may end up being able to be friends with him, but probably not for a good while longer. Only when ALL romantic feelings for him are gone can you re-connect as friends without it setting you back.
I'm sooooo sorry that you are hurting. I agree too that it is normal. You grieve when you lose a person even if it is a broken off relationship. I am sure at first you were in denial and you are now going through the depression part of dealing with grief. I would not call him either and let yourself feel all the things you are feeling. Of course you miss him - - it has only been since October - - that hasn't been much time at all. Give yourself a good amount of time to work through everything. It may even take up to a year for you to heal if not longer!
This was all good advice. I am feeling this too. I was doing better, and then I started to get depressed again. I think I am starting to try and accept the fact that we weren't meant for each other. It has taken some time. I guess I feel sad, lonely, and guilty. I have wanted to be friends with him too, but I know that I have to be completely over him before that happens. Yah, it would crush me if he was gushing over someone new. I guess, I am at that point where I don't want to let go, but I know I need to do that. I guess it just takes time. Sometimes I see clarity and other times, I get stuck in a rut again.
Like you, I've been feeling pretty down myself lately. I don't know why--I've been staying really busy with my friends/school, and I haven't tried to contact my ex in over two months. I'm really proud of myself for that. It isn't that I have a desire to contact him either; I've just been thinking of him a lot more than usual...and I've been feeling sad for the first time in awhile.
I know that I could never handle my ex and I being just friends, and I also know that he isn't the type of person that I'd even want as a friend. Therefore, I could never take him back as a boyfriend either. So what exactly is my problem--why am I suddenly feeling so sad? It's been a long time since my breakup; why am I not totally over him yet? My self-esteem has grown a lot, and I've become a much happier person. I know I deserve better and I'm not afraid to love again; I know that I'll find the person who is right for me someday...and until then, I'm not afraid to be by myself. I actually quite like being single right now :)
But for some reason I've been thinking of my ex and feeling pretty upset lately. It sucks...I really thought I was well on my way to being almost, if not fully, healed. Now I feel like I'm headed in the wrong direction again...and I can't figure out why. I realize that my self-esteem may have something to do with it, but I don't think that's the only reason. I think it's because I really did care about and love my ex very much. No matter how unhealthy he was for me, no matter how badly he's treated me, etc...I cared a lot. And like the other posters are saying, it's probably just finally hitting me that this is it; that no matter how much I cared, my ex wasn't right for me and I will most likely never see/hear from him again. He is truly not a part of my life anymore...and he never will be again.
::sigh:: It's for the best though. I know I'm better off without him and I know that there's nothing he could say or do to make things right between us. I learned a lot from our relationship, and I don't feel angry/bitter about it anymore. I know that it helped shape me into who I am today, and I don't regret having it. It's just so tough to finally take that last step and let go for good...
I'm sorry if this brought you down even more, I guess I wasn't really doing a great job of cheering you up. I just needed to vent...but stay strong <3 Take care of yourself. I know we'll both make it through this and come out even stronger/better than before. We don't really have any other choice, do we?
So for roughly three months you've been handling it okay, but suddenly around two weeks ago the weight of it all just hit you hard, right? "Why is this happening now?" The answer to that is probably right under your nose. Why IS it now really getting to you? Did you run into him? Is it edgeing closer to the would be wedding date? Did you recieve a wedding pressent from an uninformed person? Did you have to attempt to get your money back on something wedding related? Or were you just in denial, living the fantasy in your head that he'd come to his senses and be begging you to come back, now that hasn't happened and reality has set in?
"Do you think I should attempt to be friends with him?"
I don't know. What qualities do you look for in a friend? Loyalty? Honesty? Character? The boy left you and hasn't looked back. Is that sort of thing highly valued to you in friendship?
"Will talking to him just make me feel worse?"
Yes. Because you'd be calling from a place of vulnerability and sadness. Because I bet in the back of your mind you're thinking if you did call "just to chat", he'd see what a mistake he made and beg your forgiveness and to come back. Then when that didn't happen (cause if it were to happen it would have by now) you'd be crushed all over again. Talk about kicking yourself when your down.
"Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can or should do?"
Therapy might help. Or trying to step back and examine things with a harsh brutal lense of honesty. 5 years you gave and invested in this guy. After five years, he still doesn't believe you are TheOne. You may find solace and a boost of flattery in the book HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Your XF was into you, he stuck around for 5 years, but when it came down to the bottom line, he wasn't THAT into you.
It sucks and it hurts and there is no shame in grieving for the relationship you had and wished you'd had with him. Right now it seems like you've lost it all, but in truth you've gained. You've been set free by a guy who wasted 5 years of your life. You've been liberated to go out there and meet the man who doesn't need half a decade to realize that he doesn't want to live another day with out knowing you'll be there til death do you part.
This is actually pretty normal. You are finally REALLY starting to accept, in your heart and soul, that it's over. Especially with a r'ship as long as yours, it takes some time for the heart to catch up with the head. The first couple months, you're kind of in shock...and now reality is finally setting in.
Definitely DO NOT call him. You will set yourself WAY back if you do so. This feeling WILL pass, if you continue to not contact him, and you focus on accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other.
You may end up being able to be friends with him, but probably not for a good while longer. Only when ALL romantic feelings for him are gone can you re-connect as friends without it setting you back.
Sheri
This was all good advice. I am feeling this too. I was doing better, and then I started to get depressed again. I think I am starting to try and accept the fact that we weren't meant for each other. It has taken some time. I guess I feel sad, lonely, and guilty. I have wanted to be friends with him too, but I know that I have to be completely over him before that happens. Yah, it would crush me if he was gushing over someone new. I guess, I am at that point where I don't want to let go, but I know I need to do that. I guess it just takes time. Sometimes I see clarity and other times, I get stuck in a rut again.
My heart goes out to you, hun...
Like you, I've been feeling pretty down myself lately. I don't know why--I've been staying really busy with my friends/school, and I haven't tried to contact my ex in over two months. I'm really proud of myself for that. It isn't that I have a desire to contact him either; I've just been thinking of him a lot more than usual...and I've been feeling sad for the first time in awhile.
I know that I could never handle my ex and I being just friends, and I also know that he isn't the type of person that I'd even want as a friend. Therefore, I could never take him back as a boyfriend either. So what exactly is my problem--why am I suddenly feeling so sad? It's been a long time since my breakup; why am I not totally over him yet? My self-esteem has grown a lot, and I've become a much happier person. I know I deserve better and I'm not afraid to love again; I know that I'll find the person who is right for me someday...and until then, I'm not afraid to be by myself. I actually quite like being single right now :)
But for some reason I've been thinking of my ex and feeling pretty upset lately. It sucks...I really thought I was well on my way to being almost, if not fully, healed. Now I feel like I'm headed in the wrong direction again...and I can't figure out why. I realize that my self-esteem may have something to do with it, but I don't think that's the only reason. I think it's because I really did care about and love my ex very much. No matter how unhealthy he was for me, no matter how badly he's treated me, etc...I cared a lot. And like the other posters are saying, it's probably just finally hitting me that this is it; that no matter how much I cared, my ex wasn't right for me and I will most likely never see/hear from him again. He is truly not a part of my life anymore...and he never will be again.
::sigh:: It's for the best though. I know I'm better off without him and I know that there's nothing he could say or do to make things right between us. I learned a lot from our relationship, and I don't feel angry/bitter about it anymore. I know that it helped shape me into who I am today, and I don't regret having it. It's just so tough to finally take that last step and let go for good...
I'm sorry if this brought you down even more, I guess I wasn't really doing a great job of cheering you up. I just needed to vent...but stay strong <3 Take care of yourself. I know we'll both make it through this and come out even stronger/better than before. We don't really have any other choice, do we?