am I doing the right thing?
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| Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:42pm |
I'm not sure what to do...I have a boyfriend that constantly "teases" me about things, regardless of whether or not they hurt my feelings. He tells me that I'm gorgeous, but then he turns around and says that I have a big nose or a big forehead. I get upset and tell him that those comments hurt, but he blows it off and says I should know how he feels about me, THEN to add injury to insult, he'll say something like "I'm surprised your forehead wasn't used as a chalkboard when you were in school". I just feel like I'm totally being disrespected. He also laughs at me everytime he looks at me, and when I'm sleeping, he wakes me up on purpose so he can laugh and make comments about how much I snore or tell me some other deragatory comment. He says all of this is in good fun...if it's so fun, why am I NOT laughing?!? He says I'm too sensitive and that he doesn't mean the things he says; he tells me I have a big nose, forehead, tummy (he once called me Buddha) just to get a reaction out of me (he said so himself). I've told him time and time again that he hurts my feelings with some of the stuff he says, but he tells me that he can say what he wants whenever he wants, and he's not going to restrict what he says to me or anyone for that matter. I know I need to dump his sorry donkey, but it still hurts me alot to do it...there's times where I'm happy with him because we have alot in common, but I know what he's doing isn't right either. He told me that he HAS to be able to tease me about anything and everything or else he won't be happy and we won't have a very long relationship. I'm sorry if this is really long, but any thoughts or advice you all have would be appreciated...thanks
~Lori


What he is doing is NOT "fun" - it is verbal abuse!
Yes, I would say so. Either he's really trying to be mean to you and passing it off as teasing (which my ex-husband did to me) or the two of you are simply incompatible in that he thinks teasing is fine and you don't.
Since you've TOLD him this is a problem for you and he's not doing anything do change it, you need to either accept him AS IS, or move on.
Sheri
Are you doing the right thing? Uhm, you're sticking around with a immature selfish guy who takes a great amount of pleasure in torturing you. That's the WRONG thing.
"I've told him time and time again that he hurts my feelings with some of the stuff he says, but he tells me that he can say what he wants whenever he wants, and he's not going to restrict what he says to me or anyone for that matter"
He's right. Freedom of speach allows him to be spewing vile disrespect. You however have the right to be treated with love and respect, yet you choose to forfit them by continuing to be his volunteer verbal abuse sounding board.