HELP AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
HELP AGAIN
1
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:23pm
Well my ex is still calling and seeing another woman. I spent the night with him Friday and Monday. My grandmother has been in the hospital and wasn't doing good so he claims thats why he started calling again. Anyway, he keeps telling me he still loves me, but for the first time since he met me, his brain won't listen to his heart and go back with me. He acts likes my addiction ( which I have been clean for 2 months, and proud). Monday night when i was at his house he came in the living room and said "tell me the truth" I said ok (he had somehting in his hand) He said "did you wet this" I said "What is it?" He said "Stop playing stupid" I told him I wasn't sure what he was talking about. Well it ended up being "his" toothbrush in a case He claimed it hadn't been used since Thursday, and it was soaked. I will give him the botd the toothbrush was soaked but I didn't even see it he said that he knew I saw it ( i was using the restroom and it was in a basket on the back of the toliet) Anyway that caused a huge argument, because I never even saw the toothbrush. He claims hes taking my word for it. I don't think he would've gotten mad if it were his. He said that I thought it was his new gf so I did somehting to it, which I swear to God I didn't. Anyway, last night he didn't have his child and I inivited him to stay at my house. Well his gf just got a new car (also about 3 weeks ago he bought a new Harley Davidson 100th anniversary truck-which I havent' even rode in but he let her drive it) a 2005 Honda so he wanted to go see it. He calls me on the way to her house. Of course I started to cry bc I was hurt. Its like when shes not available thats when he calls me I am too good to be second this girl is ugly. He told a friend of ours that if it weren't for him meeting her 2 years ago and her making him feel so good about himself that he and I were be engaged by now. Anyway, I don't call him, he calls me, which i like talking to him. He also said the other night that the reason I haven't started dating anyone is because I know it would be absolutely over between the two of us. That is bs. I don't want to hurt him the way he has hurt me, but I also don't want a bf unless its him right now. I just don't see why he can't give me a chance to show him I've changes. Anyway, You all have been so great with all of your advice. Ive order the previous books I was told to order that will help. but I don't know what to do. he cries when he sees me because he loves me or what ever not that I mind the only time I can see him it to "stay over" Anyway, you know if he loved me why can't he take me out and let me prove it to him that things are different, she gets taken out and stuff. Please help me, I swear I've changed my phone number, not answered calls and I don't call him. Anyway, please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: madysmom2000
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 2:00pm

Please.....here's his view.

His girlfriend, if he doesn't date her, prioritize her, consider her, and acknowledge her as "his"....she'd walk in a heartbeat. He has to "earn" her...nd he knows that makes her worth something. In which case, she's a linen napkin - and you don't discard that.

You...he considers you like a paper towel. If he spills something - he wipes it up with you and throws you away. If he wants to use you, eh can...but he can just as easily use no napkin, or if he wants to treat himself well -use the linen napkin.

He's not 'in love with you"...it's just that you sit there being a path on which he trods, he's gratified and prioritized by you, and your'e willing to do whatever, whenever, and however he wants in order to keep his attention. He knows he could throw you in a closet if she showed up - and you'd sit there cowering for hours till "he let you sneak out'. He knows that he could walk past you on the street or at a restaurant, not acknowledge you because he's wit her...and he could phone you up an hour from that point, and you'd be dripping and laying there spread and ready for his "entry".....upon his request.

If you're clean and sober for two months...you've been told the common phrases. Don't start a relationship, don't quit your job, get your life on track and you're your number one priority.

It oesn't matter what he says when he calls..what he wants whe he calls is to do you and get back with her ASAP.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com