will I regret breaking up w/him?
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| Thu, 02-03-2005 - 10:59pm |
I'm new to this discussion stuff so bear with me. I just broke up with my bf of a year and a half and I don't want to regret it. Bottom line- he doesn't talk to me about anything but his car- won't tell me he loves me, and I think he was cheating on me. Its only been 4 hours since the fight/break up and I don't know if I should stay strong and stay away- or should I go back to him (like call him or talk to him at work) even tho I was unhappy.(not to mention this was the first long term relationship for the both of us)
A long story in short- we work together, (thats where we met) He's also younger than me (he's 20, I'm 23). He persued me for 3 months until I finally gave in. The persistence was unbelievable hence the reason we ended up together at all. He did everything right, impressing me, showing me how important I was to him- surprise visits, flowers, unconditional hugs and kisses and affection. He really showed interest and showed that he wanted me.
A year later, we still work together and he barely knows I'm alive. He was shady with his cell phone, (txt messaging people, always online w/o even saying hello to me). No more surprise visits, no more flowers, didn't even do anything for me for my bday, or xmas. Makes no effort to see me smile. When I'm upset, he tells me "I don't know what to tell you" .. in other words either he was cheating or his feelings changed. He;s not a talker, if he's upset he'll keep it to himself. When I confronted him about the cheating, he calmly told me no. As if I asked him something simple. Even when I accused him, he still didn't defend himself.. is that a sure sign he was cheating?
It just got to the point that I was always crying and he didn't really care. So I finally just broke it off tonite. I don't think it has hit me yet. I know he loves me, and I know he cares about me but I just couldn't take being disappointed with him all of the time. As I told him i wanted to break up, he didn't say anything. It was like he didn't care. He didn't even fight for the relationship... is that my hint that I need to move on?
My friends just say he's young.. but I dont think age has anything to do with it.
I don't want to wake up in the morning regretting my decision.. any thoughts?

I am sorry to hear about your break up.
I know the feelings you are feeling right now and I wish I could come up with some magical words to say to you that will make everything just disappear but there is no such thing.
After reading your post, it was clear to me that the man that you are grieving over isn't the man you broke up with tonight. That man has left you a long time ago. Probably because that man was not really in his own skin to begin with. I once was married to that type. He pursued me the same way and things didn't end for the same reasons but the end result was the same......I could not get to know him! It was one lie after another and one mood after another. Anyway, it hit me when I was grieving over him that I was chasing a ghost! By the way, I left him and 2 years later he will re surface and call me to say he loves me and he lives with someone else. Someone who he claims he doesn't love not even a little. He could only love me. i am married and he knows this!! So now she is living with a ghost.
So see I now realize even more that the man I see before me right now IS the man that I let go......unsure of his comittments, unavailable, and a liar! The man that I kept looking to go back to and that I felt so lost without left me long ago. I mean haven't you felt unfulfilled and lonely in yoour relationship too?? Well think about this...would the man that pursued you and smothered you with gifts and xoxoxoxox have ever made you feel so insecure and unloved?? NO of course NOT...so when was the last time you made love to that man or had dinner with him?? Probably a long time ago, right??
Now on the other hand I realize that an ending to any type of relationship is a loss and you will need to heal. BUT maybe you won't have to suffer the pain as long since you have already grieved for the loss of this wonderful man all along!!
Good Luck sweetie and hey, if you need further help or need to talk...
smb112269@yahoo.com
Sherry