I'm Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
I'm Confused
4
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 4:36pm
My boyfriend and I been or were together for about a year and eight months and we broke up three weeks ago, and I can't get over him. We go out at times and make love like nothing changed. He tells me that he still loves me and that our plans for marriage is still happening. When we go out, he introduces me to his friends as his girlfriend. There is times that he calls and tells me where his at and where he is going, but that's one of the reasons why we broke up, he didn't want to check in with anybody. He calls to tell me that he misses me and loves. Oh, and that he wants me to visit him. His sister is currently pregnant, and yesturday we were talking about it; he started to say that he hopes that our children come out looking like me. I try to pull away but my love towards him doesn't let and he doesn't want me to. I asked him if our plans are going to be solved and he said that sooner then I think we will be back together. I have a feeling that his aunt had something to do with that. We don't get alone; his mother and his sisters love me. They are the ones that is planning our wedding, but I know that not the reason why we broke up because he is still planning it with them. I know I have to let go of the pass and I'm trying and I need to stop making those dumb comments that makes him mad, I found help for that, but I don't get what's going on. Valentine's Day is coming so and he's making plans for us. I just don't get it, why is he acting this way? We are not together. I need help????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 7:53pm
What did he say when you asked him straight out what is going on? Why you'd be broken up but apparently only on a matter of technicality? No wonder you're confused, he's definitely speaking out of both sides of the mouth. So, what'd he say when you asked him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 10:06pm
He first said that he is not ready for a relationship, but he still wants me to marry him nex year as we (he) planned, and then he said that he didn't want to cheat on me because he goes out a lot. I think his wee wee was talking for him at that time. He still keep in touch with him. He takes me to school, but today, I got so mad at him for the way he was acting, so I told him off. When we went to his house he ask me to scratch his back, I didn't want to but he grabed my hand and put in his back. He had a rose, and said that he gonna try back to the person that I first met. Then he told me to listen to song from John Legend, "Ordanary People". I'm trying not to get my hopes up. He told his mom that he wanted to get back with but his afraid that it's to soon. To soon for what, I don't know. That what his mom told me and she tells me everything; we are very close. His mother doesn't agree with our spilt. I so don't know about him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 10:53am

"He first said that he is not ready for a relationship, but he still wants me to marry him nex year as we (he) planned"

Those are polar opposites. Not ready for a relationship but still wants to marry you next year?? So when that wedding date arrives he'll suddenly be ready? Wow, he must be magical.

"and then he said that he didn't want to cheat on me because he goes out a lot."

What does one have to do with the other? Going out a lot does not a cheater make. And if he doesn't WANT to cheat on you then it should be no problem right? It's not like cheating is something he'd have no control over. It's not like he'll be out at a bar and drunkenly trip and whoops! his penis just happens to land into another woman. Cheating is as much of a choice as going out with out you is.

The more you say the more I think that marrying him right now as planned would be nothing more than incredible heartache for you. Being "ready" for marriage has nothing to do with finances, nothing to do with age, nothing to do with some predetermained life time line. Being ready for marriage is a mental state of mind. It's the realization that you are no longer just an individual responsible for yourself, but that you are a part of something bigger, something more important and you're responsible to each other. It's understanding that it's not about you anymore. It's the giving of 100% knowing that your spouse is also giving 100%. It's the thoughtfulness, consideration, respect, and loyalty to each other before all others, including yourself, and knowing that that's exactly what you're getting in return. It's the gift of yourself that no matter how much you keep giving, you never run out, feel empty, or lost, because you get back exactly what you're giving. If both people involved aren't doing the same, aren't giving the same, and aren't equally in the marriage, it'll fall apart and lead to it's demise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:15pm

Well I put the wedding on hold, he is still planning. Our wedding date is suppoes to be May 13, 2006. I haven't canceled the reserventions to the hall nor the mass, everything is still on. I did put my dress on hold. I think he needs to grow up and stop thinking with penis.

I just found out that he is having a surpise party for my birthday at the club he promotes; my birthday is on the 22 of this month. One of his friends couldn't keep his mouth shut, what a big surpise. My mom told me not to say anything to him and act like I don't know. She also said to let him spend all that money on me because i deserve it and he's been an a** with me, so I am. I still don't know what to do.

I do love him with all my heart and I know he does too, but I think we are going through this because we are young (early 20's). I know what I want to do with my life, I'm almost done reaching it, but I don't know if that's what scaring him. I'm way ahead of him and he still has lot more to go. But that's his fault, when he entered college he played around and now he's taking school serious. He's never hold me back or got in my way on things had or have to do. I know he not interfering in my life and goal because I have done it or I'm still doing it even with his help. He helps me a lot and I help too. I think I help him too much. But I still crying for advice. Thank you.