Got dumped for a younger woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Got dumped for a younger woman
7
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:15pm

Hello everyone,

My boyfriend of three years and I moved to Las Vegas about six months ago for my job. While here he found a job himself. What I never expected was that he would find an 18 year old there and fall in love. He tells me otherwise, but he says it to her. He broke up with me suddenly and then later that week I found out about her and its been going on for a while. I'm 25, but I feel that I can't compare to a beautiful 18 year old. I don't know if its just the hurt talking, but I feel like I'm lacking some way that he would leave me just like that. I took care of him through his tough times. I owe $25,000 in credit card debt that are his. He keeps telling me he loves me still, but suddenly he wants to have another girlfriend and he doesn't know why and he's confused and I should just wait for him because he will want me back someday. Its bad enough he just left me suddenly, but to be replaced by someone he obviously finds better is worse than anything. He wants to stay friends, but I feel like I can't be his friend until I get whatever I felt for him out of my system otherwise its just too painful. He doesn't have anywhere to live so he still lives with me and I have to still see him everyday.

My dilemma is that every helpful article I read says to talk to friends and have them help me, but I don't have any friends because I just moved here. I don't know who to talk to and its killing me. I just keep crying all day. I feel my self-esteem go down and I don't want to do anything. Is there anyone out there I can talk to perhaps until I get over this? I want to do this alone, but I don't think I can. Everytime I feel strong and think I may actually get through this sooner than I thought, it hits me again. The other posts I read has such comforting responses, I think the people here are so awesome. Thanks for reading and responding (if you do)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 11:39pm

HE IS STILL LIVING WITH YOU?!? Kick him to the curb like smelly garbage!! Let him go live with this "wonderful" eighteen year old jackass he suddenly has the hots for. You say he is confused, he doesn't know how he feels, yada, yada, all the things women tell themselves when their men are behaving like s**ts. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! It is the man in question. You are perfectly fine the way you are and when the time comes to find another man, darling, you will. Twenty five is not old, not even seasoned, it is PRIME!

Sorry if I sound so indignant, but it is this very thing that makes me see RED! Why is it women blame themselves when a man acts like this, but men always blame the women? Don't men take responsibility for ANYTHING?!!? Please email if you need some "shoring up." I know how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 2:14am
I'm 24, and the same thing happened to me about a month ago. My boyfriend met an 18 year old, 'fell in love with her,' and told me he was confused and didn't know exactly what to do. Well, after thinking long and hard about it, I told him that if he couldn't say that me and me alone was good enough, then we had to end it. I don't question my decision, but yes, I understand it when you say that things seem okay for you one second and then it hits you. It's been about a month, and things are getting easier, but it's definitely a process. I understand what you're going through, and I understand exactly how important and how comforting it is to have people who really relate.
:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 8:21am
i know you are hurting right now...but you are letting him take advantage of you and your feelings for him, and that is wrong. You need to kick him out of your house immediately.
i don't know what to tell you about the money he owes you....hopefully he's a decent enough man that he will pay you back.
It sounds like you have a lot of time, energy, and emotion invested in this man, and that will make it difficult for you, but you have to love YOURSELF enough to let him know he cannot treat you the way he is. You need to get him out of your house, and stop having any contact with him whatsoever.
i'm sure he has good qualities (which is why you fell for him in the first place), but the way he is acting now is selfish and cruel. He wants to have his cake (live with you and have your financial support) and eat it too (be with the 18 year old).
You are still a very young woman with a lifetime ahead to look forward to. Please don't waste your time and energy on this man. He certainly doesn't deserve it.
Hang in there, and good luck to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 1:12am

Hey there....

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I'm 23 and my ex dumped me for an 18 year old as well. I felt like complete crap. I was like, you are breaking up with me for a chick in high school? Give me a break! But, you know what? He's sooooo much better off with the younger chick, because guess what? We are too good for these guys! We are more mature and you know what ... they will realize that they were complete morons for letting us go, while they have fun with their little new gf's. I know my ex hooked up with a younger chick because he can totally be in control of that relationship. Hope you are starting to feel better! I'm here if you need to talk!

Lynne

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 7:09am

You know what? You have everything over her! You are still very young, but have wisdom and more maturity to boot.....

He is crazy and will realize what he has lost later...Please tell him to leave. It will be the best thing for both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Sun, 02-20-2005 - 12:55pm
i suggest you get him out of the house immediately. Guys will walk all over you if you let them. by letting him stay with you it's saying "I'm okay with you dating this 18 yr old, you can continue to do this right under my roof and in front of me, because i'm okay with it". if you weren't okay with it, the message would be "get out of my house and my life"......and don't let the door hit you on your ass on the way out. this is the message this guy needs. you don't owe him a thing. did he think of your feelings or charitable donation in taking care of his financial needs in addition to putting a roof over his head before he went off and found fresh meat? why can't he go stay with the 18 yr old he is so madly in love with? if you allow yourself to be a doormat he will wipe his muddy boots all over your heart. take control of the situation and get that man out of your house. you deserve much more than this. you are obviously a kind-hearted person, but in this situation "kind-heartedness" doesn't mean allowing someone you love to continue to live w/you and date the woman he left you to be in a romantic relationship. This current display of kindness from you could be miscontsrued as co-dependant behavior. i have a friend who's husband cheated on her several times. she continued to let him stay with her because "he has nobody and has nowhere to go".....all that did was create more turmoil and pain until finally she told him he needed to get out. if by letting him live with you; you are hoping that he will come to his senses and want you back, then you are not doing yourself any justice. you can't miss something if it's never gone and you can't see what you had until you've lost it. he still has not lost you and you are not gone. if he can have his cake and eat it to then he will do it as long as you let him. don't let him. get him out of your life and if you find he wants to come back later ask yourself if you are ready for the pain being with this man can incur? will you be able to handle being left for another 18 yr old, or 20 yr old???? men will continue to cheat and continue to behave in this maladaptive manner because there are women out there who put up with it and let them do so. perhaps if we start pulling the rug out from beneath them, they will find it more difficult to cheat and realize there is more of a loss than a gain in dating that 18 yr old vixen. i mean all of this in the best sentiment, it is not meant to be hurtful. it is just hurtful to me to see a successful woman who is still young (i am 25 too) and full of live and opportunity think that she is required to take care of this free-loading jerk for one more minute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:56pm
Welcome to the board!!
Photobucket