Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Please help me
4
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:26am
I've just moved back home after my boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me on thursday. He told me he didn't love me anymore, we were too different and that he wanted his freedom so he can see his mates without feeling like he has to check in with me. I moved to where he lives (250 miles away from my home) back in October, just so that I could be close to him. The night before he finished with me he was telling me how great we were and how much he loved me, then told me the next day it was all just a brave face. I can't handle feeling so down and thinking of him being with other girls, I think I'm OK but then I hear or see something and just break down. I feel like I can never get over this and I would love to have some support from people who have been through the same thing. Thank you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 8:47am

Dear nicegirluk19,

Although my relationship was slightly different I too had similar problems to yours.

About 6 weeks ago I broke up from a 15-month LDR because my ex didn't think that moving to his country was a good idea.He used to say that we're different.Just a day before we broke up he spent most of the evening telling me how I was different to him eg.i was too serious and didn't have enough sense of humour to make him laugh after a day's work,i was too dependent especially on my family, i was too much of a worrier and the list goes on.............I was willing to change once I move to his country but he still didn't think moving in with him would work out.So we broke up.

From all this I've learnt that unless a person accepts you as you are you don't need him and its HIS PROBLEM not yours if you are different.TRUE LOVE should accept differences .I am sure he had characteristics which you thought were different to yours but because you loved him you accepted them.

Please try and accept the fact that he wasn't the one for you and start enjoying your life again by going out with friends.I am sure you can make new friends from work/school or just by chatting on the internet (just be careful before you meet anyone face to face from the NET though).

At first it will be difficult as if this pain is never going to end.I know what I am saying because I've been through this pain for a couple of weeks.But once time starts passing by the pain begins to fade.

However,the most important thing is that you DON'T CONTACT HIM FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER or else your emotions will start flooding back.

Good luck and should you need any more support please let me know.Just remember that you're not alone in suffering from a broken heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 9:34am
thank you so much. I know that a lot of people out there are going through so much worse than me, I just feel so stupid because I've got myself into debt by revolving my life around him for the past years. I just feel like I am stuck in a black hole with no way out (sorry for sounding so pathetic) if you or anyone else can offer me some help/words of wisdom I would very much appreciate it. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:44am

I know what you mean by the 'black hole' similie as that's how I felt for about 2 weeks,but I promise you that as time goes by you will start feeling better.

Try to avoid anything related to him such as looking at his photos,following his favourite sport or simply hearing a song which reminds you of him.As these little things are often depressing during the 1st days after the break up.

I also understand your concern about him being with other girls.Even I can't imagine my ex with other girls,at least not until I am happy with someone else.Maybe when one day you will be happy with someone else this concern will just disappear.

But for now try and work on the fact that given that you're a great and very strong person for having gone through all this you will certainly be strong enough to continue moving on with your life even if the process will be a bit slow at first.

if you want me to email you just let me know.you can undoubtedly email me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:55am
Thanks again my email address is fluffypole@go4.it
Just tortured myself more by going on to his sports team webpage I just feel like going AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH to try and make the pain stop! Just feel like I can't ever go through this again.
The stupid thing is that I still keep expecting him to call like normal. If he did though, I don't think I could go back to him simply because this is too exhausting and I wouldn't want to be uncertain of his feelings even though he made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that he doesn't love me any more.
My friends are all 'Oh i thought u were gonna stay together for ever!' which really isn't helping because guess what so did i, how naive. I just have no idea what to do to get my mind off, can't even bring myself to unpack as I only left my flat yesterday to move back home.
Sometimes I just think I'm being stupid, it's only a break-up, happens to everyone. But then I think of things and just feel like there is nothing left for me.
Help!!!