please please give advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
please please give advice
2
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:05pm

hi... i havent told my whole story but im really hurting right now and feel like venting. i would love it if you can get through the whole thing. thanks for listening.

im 21 years old and have been with my exboyfriend for almost 2 years. i was COMPLETELY in love with him. and i did everything and anything for him. i wanted to be with him forever. he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. it was completely unexpected. a few days prior i was laying in his bed. he was holding me. and telling me he loved me. he CALLED to break up with me. he said he just didnt want to be with me anymore because i never go out with him and his friends. i thought that seemed like sort of a weird reason to stop wanting to be with someone. its not like i didnt let him go..i just didnt always care to join them. this was a problem because he is going to school an hour away. he comes home on the weekends and chose to hang with his friends over me. it would have been convenient for him if he could just hang out with both of us at the same time. i didnt enjoy to go as well because none of my friends are around these days..theyre all at school as well. i chose to work a few years first. so it isnt fun for me to go out and drink with only his friends and goto the bar when mine arent around...

i talked to him the next day to see if he was sure about his decision and it wasnt just an impulse thing. at the begining of the conversation he was sure, by the end of it he told me i gave him lots of things to think about and he needed a few days to think and then hed get back to me. for 5 days i sat in torture not knowing what his decision would be. he never got back to me. on day 5 i called and said i needed to know. he said his answer was no he didnt want to be with me. he said he came up with the answer and then stopped thinking about it. he said he doesnt think about me when im not around...but when he does see me he gets confused and doesnt know what he wants. i went to go see him to talk in person and he decided we should try again. i talked to him the next day and he freaked out on me and said he didnt want to be with me. he said he would like to remain friends because it would be hard to lose me out of his life completely. i agree. he was my best friend and boyfriend. he was my comfort and happiness. i honestly feel like i will never be happy again. he has everything i want in a boyfriend. theres practically nothing i dont like about him. how will i find all those qualities in someone else? i havent talked to him for 6 days and it is sooooo hard. im going to try to stick to the no contact rule but our town is small. when he comes home on weekends i will see him everywhere.

ive been rereading emails he had written me...they all say he loves me so much and misses me when he goes a day without seeing me... thats so hard to read because i remmeber when he felt like that. my number one problem is that i cant get over the fact that i feel almost positive he will realize he made a mistake and want me back. he seemed pretty final the last time i talked to him, i even told him i wouldnt take him back if he wanted... but i will. i want to stop hurting. i want to be with him. im positive hes enjoying his freedom right now. hes 25 and all his friends are single. but how long before he starts to miss me? do you think he will want me back? please give any advice or comments. thank you SO much.




Edited 2/12/2005 7:26 pm ET ET by keetee27
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 7:33pm

i'm sorry that you're hurting.
i find it odd to say the least that he broke up with you by phone.
Odder still that he said he'd reconsider, and then left you hanging for 5 days.
Is that how you would treat someone you care about? Is that how you'd treat someone you love?
It sounds to me like he is immature and selfish. He doesn't know what he wants. My jaded mind thinks that maybe he met someone else at school. Your choosing not to go out with him and his friends seems like a lame reason to end a relationship.

Stay strong. Do whatever you can to stay busy. Hang out with friends, exercise, read books or watch movies, spend time with your family. DO NOT CALL HIM. DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS.

Don't let yourself be used by someone who doesn't care enough about you. You deserve better.

Things are very hard now, but in time the hurt will fade.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:48pm
thanks for your reply :)