Living with a gay ex-boyfriend
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Living with a gay ex-boyfriend
| Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:07am |
My boyfriend of two years and I just broke up. We were serious and spoke of marriage and children. We live together and the reason for our breakup is that he is gay. I am the only person who he has told and I support him and want to be there for him. I very much want this to end in a strong friendship but first I need to get over him as a boyfriend. Our lease doesn't end until the end of April so I am pretty much stuck living with him (thank god for a two bedroom apartment). How can I help myself get over this guy and be there for him on this journey he has begun? All the while I'll be living with him and seeing him often. Also, is there an online support group for people like me... people who have just found out their significant other is gay?

IHerring,
Sorry to hear about your dilemma. If at all possible, I would seriously consider talking to the owners/managers of the apartment to see if there is some way to break the lease with the least amount of financial loss. You need to distance yourself from this man in order to begin the healing.
"How can I help myself get over this guy and be there for him on this journey he has begun?" This is difficult to hear right now, but you can do this by reminding yourself that this man has lied to you for the last two years. If he were more honest, your posting would have stated, "the reason we can't start a relationship is that he is gay." It is very difficult to anticipate a strong friendship when this person has hidden from you what he is.
And why are you "the only one that he has told?" Is he basically saying, "I want to continue this as a secret, and I need to make you as responsible for it." I do NOT advocate telling ANYONE of his announcement; it is for him to do. I think you do need to consider what kind of friendship you will be in when one party burdens the other *after* the fact.
I wish I could offer you the best answer. I know that you have it within yourself. Good luck to you during this very messy time.
Mimiche