ill never stop hurting
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| Sat, 02-19-2005 - 1:47pm |
i cant even believe this.
its been 3 weeks today since my bf broke up with me. and this is like my 19 thousandth post. i am never going to stop loving him or missing him or hurting.
i totally feel like i will never get over him. i loved every single thing about him. how will i ever love someone else that much. is it true that a few months down the line i will start to think of stuff that maybe i didnt like about him? and maybe start to think im better off? seems impossible. i swear i love everything about the guy.
every single morning i wake up in so much pain cuz he doesnt want to be with me. i hate waking up becuse i dont know how to stop the hurt. then i think about him all day. this is ruining me. im trying to keep busy but i dont enjoy the things i used to becuase im just so sad. when will i not wake up and hurt?

are you at least sleeping at night? I can't sleep... I do fall asleep because I'm tired, but I wake up every night many times with anxiety attacks and have a terrible time fallnig back asleep. I get up in the morning trembling and very exhausted. It's like a never ending nightmare. I somehow manage throughout the day, I'm able to consciously block all negative thoughts and thoughts about my ex in general, but I can't control this during the night...
I understand what you are going through....I feel much of the same way. I just feel so sad, especially in the mornings and on weekend nights....I can't believe I can miss someone who doesn't seem to miss me at all....after spending so much time together for 6 months....
I know it was a rather short relationship, but I truly love him so much and would have done anything for him.....anything but give up myself for someone who doesn't feel the same way.
It's so heartbreaking, isn't it. I don't seem to want much....I don't ask for much....just someone to love.
Have you had any contact with your ex?
It has been a month and a half for me. I cut off contact right away... even changed my cell number. I actually changed my cell number more for my own well-being. I didn't want to hope it would be my ex every time the phone rang.
Cutting off contact gave me a lot of strength. But I have to admit that I still wonder what he's thinking and why he hasn't come begging on his hands and knees to win me back! I'm slowly realizing this will never happen. Every once and awhile I wake up and feel sad but it has gotten a lot easier. The first 5 days I had to force myself to eat and drink... I lost 8 pounds in 4 days. One thing that was recommended on this message board (which I sought out immediately after the break-up happened... my ex, who I thought I was going to marry, broke up with my via email when he was out of town!) was to make a list of all the things that you didn't like about your ex. I called this my "laundry list" and I still keep adding to it. When I feel sad and really miss him I look at this list... and I remember that my ex did a lot of things to disrespect me. Also, buy the book "He's Just Not That Into You." This book is great! But it also got me into the mind-set that I just wasn't that into my ex either... why do I want to spend one minute thinking about some idiot who could toss me aside without warning or care!
"There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend!" - from He's Just Not That Into You
Go onto Amazon and order some break-up books... try a book called How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Sometimes it really helps to have something that you can hold on to...something that keeps you centered. Keep the reading material by your nightstand for when you wake up in the morning... leave yourself some time to read some lines from these books. It will help give you perspective and get you out of bed.
Also, see the post on great movies to watch post-breakup. I highly recommend Sex and the City... and there are hours and hours of episodes available for rent on DVD at Blockbuster. I highly recommend the episode where Burger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it. I went out and rented this the day I got my email break-up message.
Lastly, it gets easier! Remember this...and don't contact your ex... cut him off! Let him miss you.
One last thing from He's Just Not That Into You:
Can't wait till you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope it's soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long.
Come find me. I'm out here waiting.
Signed,
Your future>
Hello Keetee,
I read your posting, and I felt your pain, and I knew I had to respond, because I've been there. Words can't express how your feeling, and I know it hurts like hell.
Let me tell you, I was there with you some months ago, and I'm still in recovery, but doing so much better. Because I was there not to long ago, the only advice I can give you is, give your self some time. I know it seems like an eternity, and you just want the pain to go away now, but if you give yourself time, and try your best to be patient, trust me, it's the hardiest thing to do, but I guarantee you, if you give yourself time, IT WILL GET BETTER. You don't believe that now, because it hurts soooo much, but take it from someone who went thru it, recently, just give yourself time.
You know, I started a journal, and everyday, I wrote my pain, and I cried, and cried, until I couldn't cry anymore. I should of been dehydrated from all of the tears. I didn't dry up, I found some thirst again, thru my journal, and giving myself time. Trust me, it seems like the pain won't go away, but it does, not all the way, but it does. Hey, after 5 mos of the pain, today I can look back, and say to myself, I'M So Much Better!!!
I did post on this website, and it really helped. I even met an online friend from these postings, which we keep in contact with each other til this day. We both were going thru some heart aches, and we chatted for hours talking about our pain, and it really helped. If you need to post every hour, than do it. Let the pain out, and cry, whenever you need to. Don't hold all that crap in, it's not healthy. It destroys you, and you don't want to go thru that.
I believe in God and his son Jesus Christ, and believe me when I say, there spirit and guidance helped me, than any other posting or chatting session. I prayed so much to God, and asked him to help me with my pain, and it felt like it wasn't working, because I was looking for an instant fix, and today I look back, and I realize that, God needed me to hurt. It sounds so sad, but I had to cry and hurt, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I met my "friend" for a reason, and I realized for whatever that "reason" was, it opened and flooded the gates of pain and emotion I thought I dealt with some years ago. So meeting "him" was something good, even though at that time of the pain, I didn't see it. You had to meet your "BF" for a reason. Ask yourself that question, and write it down. That helped me alot, along with the journal. Journal writing was another blessing from God, that he directed me to do. I had to buy two more, because one was filled, and I'm almost done with the second one. When I read the 1st journal, I get emotional and teary eyed, because it was filled with words of soooo much pain. But I realized that the pain from my "friend" was not just about him, but about me as well. That relationship, did alot for me, and I know yours did as well.
Like I said before, I'm still in recovery, and I do still cry. But the tears are far and between. I remember I use to cry almost every day, and my days was filled with sadness. I carried the pain all over face, and people just knew I wasn't myself, and I couldn't tell everyone at work, I felt like I was dying inside of a broken heart, so I just did what I needed to do, and if I was sad, and I wanted to cry, I did just that. Sometimes, I couldn't hold back the tears, and I learned, that it's not healthy to do that.
Today, I still think of "him", everyday. But the thoughts are not filled with pain, and the pain is less intense. I remember waking up thinking of him, all day long, just thinking of him. But like I said before, I still think of him, but not as much, and I don't cry like I use to. That's why I tell you, to give yourself time. It will get better, I can promise you that, and you don't know me. But I want to try and encourage you, as much as I can, because I fully understand your heartache. I can say, I'm at least 60% better than I was Jan 1, 2005. I remember that day, it was so sad for me, and all I could do was think about him, and what he did New Year's Eve, but today, I think of him, and the thoughts are up and down. You will get be mad one moment, and then sad, and then happy. I wrote in my journal today, my emotions are like a rollercoaster, but I'm still healing, and I accept whatever the day is bringing. I may cry tomorrow, but I won't beat myself about it. If I do, then I do, and I move on. But I do alot of self talk, and actually I'm tired of crying, and I've decided to work hard on holding back the tears. The only reason why I say I hold back, because it has been a long time now, and the pain is not as fresh as yours, 3 weeks. Your pain is still new and your wounds don't have a scab yet. I have a scab, and it's time to peal it off, and let the new skin grow. Do you feel what I'm saying? I'm at the stage now, where I can begin to picture myself with someone else and I'm looking at other guys now. Guess what, someone at work today, told me that I have an admirer, and he thinks I'm sexy. I was like, ok, that made me feel good about myself, because I am an attractive woman, LOL, and I do think I'm sexy. It just took some time for me to find myself again, because I have been lost and filled with pain.
I don't want to burn your eyes anymore, but let me tell you this before I say goodbye, you will learn to love again, and when you do, your going to think about the pain you are feeling now, and ask yourself, "what the hell was wrong with me?". This is not the first time you've had a broken heart, and it may not be the last, but I can guarantee you, the next time your hurt, you will know how to handle the pain, because the pain your feeling now, is paving the way for the future misfortunes you might experience once again, when it comes to love and the opposite sex. So take this pain, and embrace it, go thru it, cry, get mad, and all that BS, and when the next man come into your life, you will be so much prepared for anything. That's what I think now, when that good man come in my life, he will be a lucky man, because I am so much stronger and wiser, that there's nothing I can't handle.
Keep us posted,and if you want to email me, you can, Lakerfan8tuesday@hotmail.com. I will not discuss my relationship, because I'm closing that chapter in my life, but I can give you some advice on how to deal with your pain. Take care of your soul, because, your soul depends on you.
DeeDee