Valentines Day Break-Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Valentines Day Break-Up
2
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 7:54pm
I promised myself that I would not come on here posting anything because the next time a problem came my way concerning my relationship I would try and figure it out on my on, but I was unable to do that so here I am. On Valentines day my lil girl got into some trouble at school and I felt her dad should know about it so i told him ( i have 3 kids, one with my boyfriend the other two someone else) so I informed my boyfriend of the situation and the fact that I told her dad and he got upset. He went on to say why do i have to call him for everything etc. Now that is not the case, I know how uncomfortable my BF is about me having kids by someone else and knowing that I have to have communication with him but it's limited, I don't feel I have to run to him about everything, but I felt like that situation he needed to know about. It all boils down to my BF broke it off with me. He told me he could not deal with it and that I could just do me, I was livid, on valentines at that. The next day he called and he wanted to talk like i am suppose to talk to him after all that I listen but didn't talk. He told me that he know that I am right about what I did but he didn't want to admit to it because if it were our child he would want to know, then he went on to say that he just can't handle it, it may just be to much male pride and ego but he can't deal with it. So every since then he still has been calling and not understanding why we just can't be friend and talk. I mean is he really serious I can't even bring myself to cry when I know that I need to. I am just fed up with him, he is always walking out the door when things don't go his way and he feels that just because he takes care of the household that what he says should go I feel like I have no voice of opinion just because I can't help money wise. Everytime we argue the first thing he mention is who takes care of that household. Before all this went down we had not been talking I found/find it so hard to talk to him so communication wasn't good so when he calls home from overseas the phone is pretty much quiet. I feel there is nothing left to say and he keeps using us having a child together as an excuse for him to call everyday or for us to talk now. I felt like he was just settling for me anyway. If I tell him exactly how I feel I will hurt his feelings and I am trying to avoid doing that. He calls telling me I must think its easy on him and do we need anything I just wanna hang the phone up on him. We have been together 3 1/2 years and I am tired of the break-up and make-up thing. I guess I just needed to vent. And also ask how to handle this. Hopefully someone responds to this cause whenever I post I hardly get feed back. Thanks for your time whoever responds
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 10:16pm
I'm sorry to hear that you're having problems.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 1:16pm

I think you need to stop worrying about hurting his feelings and speak up for yourself. If you don't look out for yourself, who's going to? By worrying about hurting him, you're hurting yourself. You don't have to be mean - just tell him the way it is. "I can't take you coming and going as you please. If you have something regarding Child that you wish to discuss, we can discuss it. Otherwise, at this point, I wish to cut off contact. It's too painful for me otherwise. We both need to think about moving on. It's best for both of us and best for Child."

If that hurts his feelings, then it's HIS problem. Looking our for his feelings is not your job. It's his.