The Nerve

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
The Nerve
4
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:24am

My ex and I were together for 7 years. For 7 years I did everything for him but wipe his a$$. 7 months before our wedding he called it quits. Just one month before that I was raving about my gown to his family and we were talking about our honeymoon. So he completely dumps me less then 4 weeks ago and had another "girlfriend" a week after we broke up. I found this out because I stopped by his apartment to drop some stuff off and pick up a few things and I saw a Valentine's Day card from this girl (who I know by the way and she lives on the other side of the US). In the card she said to him "I love you today, tomorrow and always." Just 2 WEEKS after we broke up, 1 WEEK after they supposedly "hooked up". He swore up and down he only met her the weekend after we broke up. Oh when I asked him if he loved her, first he said "Do you think I'm crazy?"... then he said "yes", then he told me he only said "yes" out of spite!

Here's the thing:

He had the nerve to tell me to stop calling her and hanging up...HELLO! I'm NOT 15 years old, I wouldn't call across the country just to hang up on someone and I DON'T know her freaking number anyway. Obviously she knows about me if she is telling him she's getting crank phone calls so he can only point the finger at me! I told him to tell her not to flatter herself or him! He had the NERVE to say to me "it's a shame you saw the card because it "could" be nothing, she lives across the country"....HELLO, NOT THE POINT! It took him all of 1 WEEK to "move on." On top of that he had the NERVE to say "I know you think I'm the only one for you but..." Is he KIDDING me? We were together for 7 YEARS... Just weeks ago we were ENGAGED to be MARRIED! I had "our" wedding booked! I have a gown and nowhere to wear it! Not for nothing but it will take me a lot more than a few weeks to get over this! I'm not one to wish ill will on anyone but I really hope this "relationship" blows up in his and her face.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: bhrt82005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:02am
Wow. What an unimaginable bastard. At least there is a silver lining. It could be worse. It's taken 7 years for his true colors to show--you could have been stuck as the "lucky" wife of this guy! I remember hearing about a woman who sort of ended in your situation (probably on Dr.Phil) only her fiance was caught cheating on her vs. the suspected cheating of your case. She sent out invitations, had the dress, booked it all, you name it the whole nine yards. After it was called off and she was where you are now, she sent out cards to all those who got invitations saying 'Picked the wrong guy, gave him the wrong finger'. Not sure why I just told you that....sometimes humor in the midst of sadness helps. I'm so sorry you had to find out the hard heartbreaking way just what kind of guy he really was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: bhrt82005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:42pm
The woman was Diane Farr...I don't remember if her fiance was cheating on her, but the thing about her engagement cards is true. She actually started a greeting card company. Visit it at www.otherannouncements.com. Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: bhrt82005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 3:52pm

I called off my wedding a little over two years ago. My ex had a new girlfriend within two weeks. It was a girl he worked with. It lasted for a little while, but while he was with her, he was having an affair with a married woman. He broke her heart too. I saw him not too long ago and he's living with a girl and they have the same relationship that I had with him.

The relationship will end up like yours because they don't change. It's going to be tough for you for a while. It was tough for me. I can honestly say when I saw him a few months ago, I knew I made the right decision and it's a great feeling.

I even went on my honeymoon alone!! Take all the time you need and try not to focus on what he is doing because he'll never be happy and the girl he is with will eventually know what you are going through. I dwelled on what he did for way too long. Everything happens for a reason and this is probably a blessing in disguise. At least you found out before you were married with children!!

Good luck and don't worry. You'll find the right one soon enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
In reply to: bhrt82005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 4:11pm
see my post about "shouldn't have done this" and you'll see we're in the same situation only i wasn't engaged to be married. i don't get it how guys can just replace women with women. my ex is doing the same thing and while he's "hooking up or dating" someone else, he's calling me and telling me how he "thinks" of me. i know he's just trying to keep the door open in case things don't work out. i talked to one of my guy friends yesterday and i was going on and on about my situation and he said somethings that was so bittersweet and true. i couldn't believe that my ex couldn't have just told me about this girl. even if we were broken up (it had only been a week) i had asked if there was someone else in his life and he said no. i was dumfounded as to how he couldn't be honest with me. my guy friend said "he doesn't want to hurt you with something that will do you no good to know about". "so he's hooking up with someone else, so he can't handle being alone. does you knowing about this girl make you feel any better? no, it's hurtful to know, that's why he didn't just tell you." his advice was to just move on from this. take the hurt and the pain and just let it fuel you to find something more suiting to your needs. his explanation of why guys jump to girls right after break ups was because of their inability to handle their emotions. men who are more emotionally inept, tend to not be able to handle the flood of emotions that comes with a break up, thus they find a similar interest or person to redirect these feelings to. he agreed it was eventually self destructive, but said it's how things are done. while i don't agree with the male attitude to just jump from girl to girl and bypass all the memories and feelings for your ex onto someone new, i know the way you and i handle things will be much more beneficial in the long run. i know that doesn't help much now, but just know there is someone else in a similar situation as you and i know it hurts and it just plain sucks to know he's already hanging out with someone else. good luck----i'm with ya.