Someone...please talk me through this
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| Thu, 02-24-2005 - 7:45pm |
Hi Everyone - I have posted here a few times and really need a little "talking down" right now. Real quick, my ex and I had been together off and on for almost 5 years and we have a beautiful daughter together. At the end of September he dumped me for someone else. They have since been together (inseperable as a matter of fact) and are now in the process of getting an apartment together. They have lived together since about 3 weeks into it, but are now actually setting up house "together". I have known this for sometime, but for some reason today it has really hit me. I have made great strides in getting over him, but I am by no means there. I know with my head I don't want to be with him and in actuallity this girl was the best thing that ever happened to ME. BUT, I can't shake the feeling today. Everything is popping up again. Why wasn't I good enough to give that committment to? Why did he crap all over me time and time again? Again, with my head, I know the answers to these questions, but my heart hurts now. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and I guess the silver lining is that these days are now coming few and far between, but I want them to be GONE COMPLETELY!!!
Any words of wisdom? I am so tempted when I feel like this to pick something to call him about and start a fight. Immature, I know, but sometimes, I just want to wring his neck!! I have to see him tommorow as he has our daughter for the weekend and now, the thought is driving me nuts! As you can see, I am having a mini meltdown - I should be ok by morning though. Thanks to anyone that "listened" and would appreciate any words you have to offer. Thanks again and take care - Cait

Hi Caitlyn,
So sorry that you are feeling this way. I do know how you feel and I get alot of weak moments too. I haven't seen or talked to my ex in almost 6 weeks and I really think it has helped alot But when you do have a child together you have to have some sort of contact and that is even harder.......alot harder. You two have been together along time and can't expect just to get over him...it's been only 5 months.
Do you have someone else that could be there to drop off your daughter or take her when he has visitations? I don't really know if that would help or not...so you don't have to see him all the time. It's only prolonging your healing, do you think so?
I'm not sure what to tell you............as you know I'm in this same kind of situation.....well was! Just know people are here for you and we really do care. Stay strong....you're going to have ups & downs for a long time. Hang in there! Keep smiling..
Love and hugs,
Michele xoxox
Thanks Michelle - I was starting to think no one was out there! I should have known I could count on hearing from you though. Anyways, I know I am so much better off. It's just times like this that make me doubt myself. What wasn't good enough about me to not make him want to be with me like that? That's where I am having the trouble these days. It really isn't even about him and I anymore, because I know that he is not the one for me. Things are just lonely and sometimes hanging out with your girlfriends (all attached by the way) doesn't really do the trick to take your mind off things. I know it's horrible, but sometimes I just think I am destined to be alone. I know that isn't what I want for my life, but who knows, maybe God is trying to teach me something for now.
By the way, about our dream conversation last week - I swear, I have dreamt about him and his g/f every night this week. It's driving me crazy. I even woke up the other night, mid dream, pissed that I was having a dream about them. Weird, huh? Or maybe I am just nuts. I know now that I have to take my hands off of everything and put it in God's hands. It's only when we let go that he's able to do his work. Sorry to get all sappy, but I have really been turning to Him lately and it is really working. As I said in my previous post, the bad days are still there, but they are definately few and far between. That's progress, as far as I'm concerned.
Thanks again for getting back to me and I hope all is well with you and your kids. Stay strong, we have to for them. Take care, xoxoxo Cait
Cait,
I really know what you mean......Today I am having a "bad" day. I have been doing really good and then all of a sudden....BOOM.............I don't know why I feel so depressed today. All I can think of is why? why did all the dreams I had just disappear? why doesn't he care enough to call? why does he seem to care so much more for "her"? What does she have that I don't? Why?.....etc?
I guess the answers don't matter......I just have been doing so good and then this! It stinks! I feel bad for my son but I guess I shouldn't....?..... to have a father that doesn't seem to care.!
It's great that you ARE LEAVING It in God's hands. I'm not a deeply religious person but I believe in a higher power and it helps so much! EXCEPT for today!!
I guess we have to take one day at a time. I am also reading a book called Co-dependent No More and it is excellent! I have to worry about me and not him and his problems.
Good Luck, sweetie! I'm here if you need me!:)
Take Care, Love and Hugs,
Michele xoxoxo