I just can't do it anymore
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I just can't do it anymore
| Mon, 02-28-2005 - 2:09am |
I'm probly bugging you all with all my posts, but it really does make me feel so much better. I know what you all say about no contact.. I understand why now, since we broke up we have still been talking and hanging out(bad me).. its almost like our relationship is the same except we're not sexual with eachother. I wish I would have listened because now he told me that he doesnt want to talk to me all the time, I just call him because he's the only friend I have now since I lost all mine while we were together, so the only thing I do is sit at my apartment and do absolutely nothing, I called him to ask if he wanted to play a game with me tonight and he's like no.. I'm like are u busy? he's like maybe.. I just don't wanna play, it was as if he was hiding something from me, and that hurts even more because its like he's purposely trying to get at me and make me wonder, but I really can't be his friend anymore because it hurts me to much to see him and then have him tell me he doesnt wanna see me that much, it's like he only wants me around if its convenient for him, I just really wish I had something to do or some friends to hang out with so that I wouldnt call him or want to talk to him all the time or just sit at home thinking about what he's up to and who he's with, I know he shouldn't have to tell me but I guess I'm just too curious.I was starting to feel okay about the whole thing but calling him tonight totally ruined it! AHHH I feel like I just wanna scream like I'm going to have a breakdown =(

Hello there,
Don't beat yourself up about the fact that you called him. So you slipped up, that's fine. You're a human being after all. We've all done it. Now just simply draw a line under it and start again. Say to yourself: 'ok I've made a mistake in contacting him, this is a good thing because the next time I have the urge to call him, I will remember how terrible I feel this time and that will spur me on to stop myself.' YOU CAN DO THIS.
The next thing you do is you choose a couple of your ex friends who you think might show you the most compassion, and you write them letters of apology. You can't wait for them to come to you, try and reach out to them. Say to them, 'look guys I made a mistake, I haven't been here for you and I am truly sorry. However, I have learnt from this experience and I would really like it if we could meet for a coffee sometime, so that I can explain myself.' If you meet with them, try not to offload your problems on to them (that's what this website is for), but show an interest in them and ask them questions about themselves, to show that you care. This will begin the foundations of re-building some of your friendships. You need to try and start channelling your energies into getting yourself out there, intermingled with pampering yourself with the odd bar of chocolate and DVD as a reward for your efforts. I know it is so difficult, and at first you may not reap the rewards straight away, but give it time and patience, and you may just surprise yourself.
I was in your situation, and at first when my mum gave me this advice I found it patronising and didn't have the motivation or strength to follow it through, but in the end I got so sick of my moods being controlled by whether he would be friendly to me or reject me that I just deleted his contact details and started again. At first my friends didn't want to know and I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere, plus the lonliness and the constant periods of thinking about him didn't help at all. But I just kept trying - not just with friends but with simple things like joining an aerobics class, getting on a fitness programme, growing my hair, doing an adult learners course and having a bit of therapy to boost my self esteem - which had hit rock bottom. I know it's so Bridget Jones but I was AMAZED! I now have a small group of close friends and am dating again (I have been careful not to put my new man before my friends again). Of course, as soon as I became aloof and took more pride in my appearance, my ex suddenly wanted to know again, but I was so disgusted with the way he rejected me so casually (and at myself for being far too needy and dependant on him), that I told him where to go - let me tell you the look on his face was priceless!! He still tries to contact me now - but that's only because his ego is hurt and he doesn't like me being the one who has the upper hand for a change.
You can do it, I know you can. A great big hug to you, Britchick
Hey, don't beat yourself upself about calling him. Like the previous postings, we have all done that before. You just know now, that it's not the good thing to do, and it hurts like hell, but you live and learn. But, if you call again, and you get the same response, then that's ok too. Eventually you will stop yourself, because of the way it makes you feel. It's all part of the healing process, and every heartache, pain, sadness, and anxiety your feeling is all part of a learning experience as well. I can guarantee you, the next relationship your in, you will learn how to handle things different, because of what your learning thru this ordeal.
I was there with you some time ago, and I did call him, and it took me 100 steps back. It hurt like hell, and it took me more time to recover from the whole entire relationship. Today, it's been almost 6 mos, and we've only spoken to each other twice during that time, and it's been a good 2 mos straight with NO Contact. I'm still in recovery, but doing a whole lot better, and my pain is minimal. I still think of him, but it's less painful. You will continue to think of him, until your completely over him, and that is ok. Remember, you will survive, and like the other posting, when you do, be aware, he may try to contact you and come back. Hopefully by then, your alot stronger and know how to handle it. It took me some time to get back to myself. For the longest I just did nothing, and sat at home feeling depressed. I don't know how I did it, but I got some of my rhythm back, and my life began to see sunlight again. The only solution I came up with, from that, TIME. TIME is an ESSENCE, and once you give yourself time to heal and go thru the pain, it's get better. Trust Me!! I'm a living witness of it. Give yourself time, and try to make up with your friends. Tell them your sorry, and true friends will be there for you no matter what. Give it a try, and let us know how your doing. Give your self time, it will work for you. Take care