Can't decide to end things.
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| Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:26am |
Sorry this is long. I know I'm not in the greatest r'ship, but for some reason I stay, hoping it will work out or get better. When we first met, the first month was awesome. Then the "high" wore off and he's completely changed (or is showing his true self). We've been dating 3 months and it's honestly been an up and down, sometimes good, mostly disappointing r'ship. Every fight, I tell him if he doesn't want to be with me, that's fine, quit stringing me along. But he keeps calling, keeps telling me he's sorry, and that he loves me, and things are ok for a while.
We're both 27, opposite personalities. He's a loud, drunk, life-of-the-party type of guy, always has to have a good time. He's sober during the week and when he is, he never wants to do much with me except hang out and watch tv. So he has some issues with alcohol.
He's also got intimacy issues. When he's sober, he's never very affectionate, doesn't cuddle or act playful towards me. And he never initiates or seems to want to have sex. So sex happens about once a week, when he's drunk. When I bring it up the lack of sex or even affection, he says he doesn't cuddle. And that I never initiate sex and he likes aggressive women, which to me is a lame excuse. I'm always giving him back rubs, and caressing him, etc. I told him all it takes is a gesture to know he's interested, but I get nothing. It makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive, so why should I risk getting shot down and hurt my self esteem even more? I tried it last night. Shot down. He said he's too tired, and feeling fat, etc. Yeah, he sounds like a woman....
Then to make me feel even crappier, he (somewhat jokingly) makes comments on my appearance. His friends tell me great and sexy I am, and how lucky he is, but not him. He likes to point out the stretch marks on my hips, did u know there's a cream for that? Or the hair on my arms-he's going to wax them for me. Oh, and I need to grow my hair longer, geez anything else???
So why do I still love him? Why can't I end it? We get in fights almost every weekend. And he always apologizes and I forgive. And then he's nice to me again. So I just can't say "we're done". But if he really doesn't love me or find me attractive, or whatever, why does he want me around? He says he loves me and loves spending time with me, but he's got a pretty lousy way of showing it.
Thanks for listening,
Mia

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The bigger question is why do YOU want to be around HIM? Is him saying he loves you enough? He doesn't seem to have qualities that *I'D* want...not wanting sex, not being nice to you, putting you down...At 3 months, a relationship should not be this difficult. You don't have to be in an argument in order to end it. So he's sorry...that doesn't make this relationship what you want it to be.
Just some things to think about.
but you are selling yourself short.
theres is a guy out there for you who will never make you feel bad about yourself.
therse a guy out there for you who has EVERYTHING youre looking for.
i think maybe you should look at this guy as an experience and learn from it. from this relationship you learned more about yourself.... you want a guy who is more affectionate and makes you feel better about yourself...and there is someone out there who will do that for you.