How I got over him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
How I got over him
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 6:03pm

Hey Ladies.

First of all let me tell you that I am married and happy. Yeah, a happily married woman which is rare given the divorce rate you hear about. I am telling you this because I was in your shoes before but it is true, you move on, you meet another and you cant imagine being without them and if marriage is what you want then you and someone out there will have it and the man you are hurting over now, yes I do believe you will have a place for them in your heart, but you will thank god or whomever that it didnt work because you are exactly where you should be.

Why does my post say how I got over him? I was with someone before the person i am with now who I was so head over heels for. So in love, thought about him every second of the day, I thought he was it for me that he would be the one I would spend the rest of my days with. I was with him for a couple of years. we had problems and so our split wasnt a shock to others because they knew what issues we had but too me it was. One second I was the love of his life and the next it's like I didnt exist. It hurt so bad, cried, didnt want to work, felt sorry for myself and just become someone I was not. I would call him and leave him messages fomr one being loving and how I wanted to be with him to the next I understood to the next screaming because I couldnt believe this was happening.

Long story short, I tried a bunch of stuff to get over him. What worked was that I saw him in a whole new light one day. To all of you, asking the questions, the what ifs, why does eh do that or say that or how could you, hating him for not calling or despising him for not askiong if you are ok....just doesnt work. Playing games of making him think you are with another or could care less doesnt work. I would tell myself that it was best becasue he wasnt good for you like he treated me too bad and how dare he play mind games or wast all the time of my life. Its just doesnt work.

One day I thought about the things that I did have with him, not the happy things eh did or how he would smile but more of I got to feel that passion or feel that strong of a love. I started to think that yeah, maybe I did really love thi man but for some reason it didnt work and I forgave him for everything he did. I dint call him, I still to this dau would feel hurt if I was to think of ceratin times but instead of saying I hate him or would cry becasue he left back then it was more of I would cry becasue I had something specail and it was gone. I just stopped with the attacking him and his character and it sounds so corny to say I knnow but once I let that whole anger go and stopped aksing the questions and just looking at a chapet in my life rather then being the whole book so to speak, I was ok. There were moments when I would get sad but it wasnt the same and they lessened and I stopped checking my phone all the time, I didnt have a desire t call him. I knew it wouldnt have worked and I knew that you cant contact them and keep that drama in your life or you will never go on.

people split up all the time and it seems so unfair that you can love someone SO MUCH, you just give them everything, everything and they just do it for you, you know what I mean but then all of a sudden, friday they tell you they want to marry and on sunday they have doubts and then blow you off for the next couple weeks or rest of your life. Its like it should be illegal. BUt yet, look how many people break up and look at how many people have more then one bf in their life. Easier said then done, believe me but as corny or clueless as it may sound....as soon as I just saw it for what it was, we were done but I had an am,azing time, I got to feel that whole lovem obsession, infatuation thing for someone, someone as graet as he was loved me at one time and yeah, I maybe screwed up to lose him but I came to terms with it and I was fine. To this day, I will think of him BUT its not like you think of someone you are in love with its more of this person was a chapter in my life and I learned this from him, I did got to experience this and I I know it wasnt meant to be but wow, what a ride.

Just my thoughts.