It happened - the suprise call. . .
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| Mon, 03-07-2005 - 9:24pm |
It's been so long since I last posted here! I haven't felt the need to post for a while, which is a good thing I think. . . Everyone here is absolutely amazing and I know that I couldn't have come as far as I have without your support in those first few weeks. But now something has come up and I need all of your advice and support again.
About two weeks ago I got a call from my ex-boyfriend. I haven't heard from him since he broke up with me a week before Christmas. It was the exact day two months after we broke up. I asked him why he was calling, and he said that he just wanted to see how I was, and if I had any questions for him. I thought, "the nerve of this guy, what does he think is going on here? That I've just been sitting here wondering about him all this time?" Which of course, I still thought about him a lot, but he didn't need to know that. I was doing so much better at this point. All the questions and assumptions I made about the breakup and the relationship didn't matter to me anymore, and I told him that. But, being human, being curious, I started asking anyway. It was good because he finally explained to me that the reason he broke up with me is because I don't smoke marijuana! Can you believe that? It was good though because I now have closure. I know that the break up has absolutley NOTHING to do with me, or my character, or anything I said or did. We talked for hours that night. I can't understand why he didn't love me enough to quit smoking pot, and he can't understand why I didn't love him enough to start.
Now, since the break up I have had the no contact rule drilled into my head a bazillion times. And I am a firm believer that no contact is really the best way to go. However, after learning the real reason for being dumped, being broken up didn't matter anymore. I understand why I can not, and will not, be with him again. In a strange way it helped me get over it. After the conversation I was actually happy! We left the conversation with an agreement that we would consider keeping in contact with him calling me (I told him it was too weird for me to be calling him after he told me to get out of his life). I knew agreeing to still talk was probably not the best thing to do considering how he completely broke my heart. Did I just get stuck in a trap? Was the happiness I felt after our conversation false? Was I just happy because I talked to him again after missing him for so long? I don't feel like talking to him every few weeks or months is such a bad thing, am I wrong? Will this prevent me from moving on, even though right now I feel like ithas made it easier?
Last night I got a call from him again. He told me that he got a job offer where I work and asked how I would feel if he accepted it. I can't tell him where he can and cannot work, so I told him that I would be fine with that. Then he asked if I would have my coffee and lunch breaks with him. What the heck should I say to that one? I know that he is not trying to get back together with me, so that's not even an issue. He wants to find a girl who smokes pot. I know that I cannot allow myself to want to get back together with him. I just don't know how to handle seeing him (in person!!) every day. I don't know if spending that much time with him will hurt me or not. I don't know if I'm as strong right now as I think I am. I have read enough self-help books since the break up to know that "he's just not that into" me and that I shouldn't give him the time of day. But I am not the kind of person to just ignore someone. Will it set me back to have this much contact with him? How should I handle this situation? Is it really that bad? Ugh, this seems like such a stupid, petty issue, but I value everyone's experience and need your opinions.
Please help. . .
