So what do you do to keep busy?
Find a Conversation
So what do you do to keep busy?
| Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:08pm |
I find my days are empty and the nights are even worse. I keep hoping that she'll email me saying she wants me back, but knowing I can't go back to her, still I check. I lay in bed at night kind of reading kind of hoping the phone rings, and it's her. I hate this, any way to get past this? I don't have any friends here so thats out. I guess I could go to the movies alone but that just makes me feel weird same with going out to eat. Anyways suggestions are apperciated.
Ascendent

For the first week or so after my breakup, I didn't eat much and I just laid in my bed all day. I wanted to wallow in my self-pity and that was fine--for awhile. It's good to grieve. But there also comes a point where you have to pick yourself up off the ground and move on with your life. I know it's hard, and I know that you miss her. But think of it this way--you made it through life before you ever met her, and you can make it without her again.
Having no-contact also helps. I'm sure you hear that all the time, but it's the truth. I kept in semi-contact with my ex for about six months after our breakup, and I felt horrible. Now it's been 4 months of absolutely no-contact and I feel so great! If you're just sitting around hoping that she'll call or e-mail, then maybe blocking her number/e-mail address would be a good idea. That way you know there's no chance of her contacting you, which means no more false hope.
You said that you have no friends...go out and make some! Meet new people, or reconnect with old ones. Seriously, just stay active...keeping yourself busy will help keep your mind off your ex. Work out, learn an instrument, read, sky-dive, write, redecorate, build something, take a trip, etc...there's so much to do. Do something that you've always wanted to do but have never had the chance to...or do something that your ex hated but you loved. Hey, I'm 20 years old and I learned how to knit because I was bored...now I love it! :) As much as they hurt, breakups offer a great opportunity to rediscover yourself; to grow and learn.
And most importantly, just give it some time. Things gets easier the more time that passes. My breakup occurred last May, and sometimes I can't believe that time has gone by so quickly. But then I look back at all the progress I have made and it feels wonderful. You'll reach this point eventually as well...just be patient (everyone has their bad moments), have no-contact, stay busy, and take care of yourself! Good luck.
P.S. As for the whole going to the movies/out to eat alone thing...hey, maybe that would be a good thing. It would probably help build up your independence...I've actually known of a few people who do that, and they love it. I've always wanted to try it myself...maybe now I will!
What to do:
look at your local community college or adult ed (through the highschools or town) for classes - art, music, hiking, travel, knitting, sign language, meditation, yoga, ANYthing...you might find something new that you like to do and also make some friends in the process
join a gym or local Y or fitness program
join a book reading club
join an outdoor club
go to meetup.com and find a meetup group in your area that interests you. This is NOT a dating site - it's a site that caters to every possible interest you can imagine, groups are formed, and the groups plan meetups at local, public places to discuss the interest or anything else you want to chat about. They also have message boards. It can be a great way to meet people who share similar interests or even to figure out what it is you're actually interested in.
shop
organize your:
closet
drawers
clothes
dishes
utensils
bills
cds
finances
decorate your room/apartment so it reflects who YOU are and not who you were when she influenced your decisions...yes, straight men decorate!
The thing I recommend the most though is making some friends. It's very easy to make a significant other the center of your universe when you have nothing else. That's very unhealthy, especially, as you are finding out, in the event of a breakup. There's no one to lean on. Are there people at work or school who you can hang out with? Maybe someone you talk to that you can say "hey, wanna grab a drink/coffee after work?"
Best of luck to you and GET BUSY!! Hang in there. With time and with a fuller life, this will get easier. =)
Thanks for the wonderful suggestions. :) I think I will take your advice.
Ascendent