It's over
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| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 10:34pm |
I've posted on various boards before about the problems my boyfriend and I have been having, but what happened today is the final straw. I can't do this anymore. (I also cross-posted this on one of the communication boards because I need the support and I want to hear from anyone else whose relationship has ended this way.)
The communication between us is nonexistent and he thinks nothing of not contacting me for several days at a time. When we do communicate, 99% of the time it is through
e-mail. Phoning is worthless because he screens all his calls for telemarketers and always lets the answering machine pick up.
Last week he finally answered me about doing something this weekend on Thursday night (after I had sent him four messages), told me he would get back to me Friday because he wasn't sure what day would work. Late Friday evening I get an e-mail that simply said "Sunday most likely." I e-mailed back, said name a time and I'll see you then. Well today came and I never heard a thing from him. I phoned him early afternoon to find out what was going on and (you guessed it, answering machine) left a message which hours later has not been returned. I also called his cell phone, but he didn't answer that either. (It rang, so he had it on.)
Anyway, I got home, got a little teary eyed and realized I can't put myself through this treatment anymore. Sure I'll be alone and lonely for a while, but it can't be worse than the way he's been treating me. This is not the first time this has happened and I foolishly let it go.
Do I have doormat written across my forehead? I'm certainly not perfect, but I've decided not to blame myself for his mistakes anymore.
I'm even beginning to think he's doing this on purpose so I will break up with him so he doesn't have to. (I should mention that we broke up before for a few weeks in May and he was the dumper) I wish I had said no to trying again.
The breakup in May was expected because we had gone out and had a big blowup, this time no fight, he's just been so quiet and distant. He seems to run hot and cold in this respect. Last week, he e-mailed me every day.
Anyway, I called him twice today and he didn't get back to me. I say that's it, no more contact with him. I need to let go. If he contacts me, which I doubt, I plan to ignore him.

good for you :)
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about--LET GO NOW! He is not making you any kind of a priority whatsoever, and it is only going to kill your self esteem more by putting up with it any longer. He has no right keeping you in his life if that is how he treats you--believe me, I am way to familiar with it. He is trying to tell you something--he is not that into you and he is playing with your head if when you do stop contacting him (and he catches on) and he starts calling/emailing you. If someone is in love with you, they WANT to see you and they WANT to talk to you...I pointed this out to my ex so many freaking times and never got through to him.
NO contcat is the only way to go at this point to get over someone, unless YOU checked out months ago. I firmly believe this. I am on day 15--he contact me for the first time yesterday and I ignored it. It was easier b/c it was at bartime and it was just "hi" but it was still hard...I loved this guy sooooo much and wanted nothing more than for it to work out and for me to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. but everything happens for a reason and I am taking time for the first time in 5 and a half years to work on me and get to know me again--and build up self esteem that has gone into hiding--self esteem that was missing when he played the no communication effort games!
Be strong and really truly ask yourself what you want. Do you want to be happy or miserable? It is your decision--your responsibility. You are strong...let that strength guide you...and each day of no contact will help.
I read your post and your situation sounds so similar to mine. I'm very proud of your
15-day mark and hope I can be as strong as you are being.
I'm feeling pretty good right now and I'm glad I have work and a couple professional events this week that will keep me busy. During our last breakup, keeping busy and a routine really helped me.
Like I said, I just wish I had let go the first time we broke up, I have a feeling that the second time around is going to be much tougher.
I'll be thinking about you and hoping you continue to feel better with each day. Take care.
Thank you so much! I am thinking of you and rooting for you too! We do NOT deserve to be treated as we had been but by allowing it,and even putting blame on ourselves and trying to be better for them, we carved a place for ourselves. I know someday my ex will realize how much he lost by not appreciating me, but even more, I am finding out RIGHT NOW why I am so important and should be appreciated:) You can do this...and you are doing it for YOU. Not him, none another guy--but for you. And someday Mr. Right will come along and be able to love you for the beautiful girl you are...but until then, you have to do the most important loving of all--self-loving. I am finally finally taking responsibility for all my actions--it was so easy to blame unhappiness on him but really, deep down, I could have walked away from it all so many times but let myself wallow in self-pity. It is always easier for it tobe someone else's fault:)
Letting go is hard. It really is. But it is empowering and does wonders for your self esteem. I have been working out everyday and that helps too! I went hiking yesterday and was so proud of these last two weeks--and am so happy I am onto the third!
Be strong--this guy is NOT for you and doesn't deserve your time or effort.