Having a hard time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Having a hard time...
2
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 8:06am

I am not having a very good morning! My ex and I have been broken up for about two weeks now. It hurts so bad and for some reason last night and this morning have been especially hard. I think this is due in part to the fact that last night we loaded up basically the rest of my stuff that was at his house. When we got back to his place to finish the last load. He asked me if we could finish tomorrow(meaning today). I told him that's fine. He then proceeded to get misty eyed. I asked him if anything was wrong and he told me how he was thinking about us and last summer and how it would be different this summer.

He keeps telling me how greatful he is for the past year and how happy he was to have me in his life, but he didn't want to string me along if he didn't plan on marrying me. I told him I respected his decision. I was sad about it but I wasn't going to sit around and try to change his mind. And then he said that he still holds out hope that he will change his mind. It is so frustrating when he says things like this. I love him so much and want to be with him, but it just isn't possible.

I just can't get him out of my mind. It sucks so bad. I keep thinking about all the things we did together and how he will be enjoying those things with some other woman now. It makes me go crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:09am

Hi nugirl!

Hang in there! If I were you, I would start NO CONTACT immediately. It sounds like you and your ex have the potential to be friends, but NOT until you heal from the break-up. I would either (if you are strong enough) get the rest of your things today and tell him you need time where there is no contact or (if it will be too hard) I would have someone else get the stuff or have him mail it and begin no contact without seeing him, just cend an email, call him or IM to tell him you just cannot communicate. He seems mature enough to understand and to want you to move on and take the time you need.

My situation is different in that the guy was not good and so I know I will not be his friend nor did I owe him any type of closure--that will come from within for me. This is day 18 and I cannot tell you what even this amount of time has done for me, for my pain and for my self-esteem.

This break-up is about YOU. Not about your ex. And you need to grow from it, learn from it, on your own, or you will never stop hanging on. It is hard--it is supposed to be. You are learning a lesson from it, closing a chapter, and most importantly growing as a person--growing pains. But the person you will become through it will allow you to be ready when your Mr. Right does come along and in the meantime, will allow you to understand, appreciate and love yourself even more than you do now. And no matter how much it hurts, how much you still want to be with him, how much you love him, you NEED to move on.

Start NO CONTACT today. Put an "x" on your calendar for each day you get through and as the days add up you are going to feel stronger, better and understand more. I promise!!! and then, one day, you just won't even need to count--I cannot wait for that day for me:)

Be strong--and let it hurt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:12am

give yourself some time...time heals all wounds...and i know that sounds cliche, but its true...
when i broke up with a guy that was very special to me and i thought was the "one" i did some things that made it easier
1)no matter what, allow yourself time to cry and get it all out...friends and family will tell you to get over it, but you fell in love and now you need to fall out of love...
2)spend time doing things that you like with new people...dont hang out with mutual friends all the time because theyll remind you of your other
3)take time to get to know yourself again...youve changed and its time to be with you
4)go out on dates...its hard, but do it...you may meet the next special person
5)when one closes another opens...so search for that open door
6)listen to good music...queen-i want to be free, joss stone-you had me...uplifting stuff
7)keep a journal and write down how you feel...i also found that writing things down and then tearing up that paper and saying thats the end of those thoughts helped a lot

you can do it!