great guy - still wanna break up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2005
great guy - still wanna break up!
3
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 3:40pm
i have a great boyfriend, sweet, caring, loves me to death, which i really like about him. however, i have never really been physically attracted to him and ive been on vacation for about a month now and have little or almost no feelings for him. however i have never really been 100% about the relationship because we were such good friends to start out with, plus i wasnt attracted. but hes very sweet and i dont want to hurt him, but might need to break up with him when i get back if i still feel the same. is something physical a stupid reason? any suggestions or words of advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:28pm

Hey,

I've been and am in the same situation, only my relationship has ended. My ex and I were together for six years--he is a great guy--caring, sensitive, all of that. But from the get-go, I was never consistently really physically attracted to him. I've wondered if maybe I had an intimcay problem, but I don't think that's it b/c I've seen other random guys and fantasized about them.

This creates a problem in a relationshp b/c it affects the intimacy area. If your relationship is anything like mine was, that was the one problematic area. And it caused a huge strain after six years. It was like a chore for me to be with him like that and I was so envious of other couples who seemed to have a good overall (physcial included) relationship. It not only makes you feel bad, but it probably makes him feel bad b/c he probably senses that you're not attracted to him. It's important to be attracted to your partner. If not physically, then there has to be something else there that makes you want him. Otherwise, it's just a friendship in many ways. What I've learned for my next relationship is not to continue something and become emotionally dependent on someone whith whom the phsycial isn't there as well.

Hope that helps somewhat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:19am

I think you need to hold out for the entire package -- There is nothing wrong with wanting it all. Physical attraction for someone and a good, healthy sex life with them is one of the joys in life -- why shouldn't you want and wait for that??

Lois

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 12:00pm

Hi,
My advice is to trust your gut instinct on this one.

I was in a similar situation with my ex - he was great in so many ways, but it just wasn't right. It's not fair to either of you. The hardest part is hurting someone that you care about, and in fact that's still the hardest part for me to deal with.

A lack of physical chemistry is not a stupid reason at all - everyone has elements that they need in a relationship, and if this is one for you, then that's the answer.

Good luck, and hang in there!