Heartbroken But Trying to Hang In There

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Heartbroken But Trying to Hang In There
2
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:20pm

Hi All,

My boyfriend and I ended our relationshp of six years one month ago. He is a great guy, it's just that we were incompatible in certain ways (we were more friends than lovers). We have broken up before many times before but always got back together. This has been the longest so far. Of course, in the end, I wanted to try to work things out, but he held strong saying that we have tried everything already (which we have), and that neither one of us is happy.

He contacted me the first week (he saw that I had created a profile on an online dating site and panicked, now he has one on the same site...) by texting me. He apologized for everything he had ever done wrong in the relationship and said I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known and would never meet anyone else like me. I did not reply to the text. It seemed like he was trying to get closure or something. I have been good with not contacting him, but I'm hurting b/c I've lost a huge part of my life and my best friend. He has not contacted me anymore in the past month.

I've read 3 breakup books. I'm trying to use this time to focus on me. It's just that I get obsessed w/thinking about what he's doing, etc. It's like reality is setting in now. I guess I thought we would reconcile. The thing that hurts the most is when I think about him meeting new women and how each day puts more and more distance between us and how it seems like he's moving on with his life since he has not contacted me. Any advice on how to not feed into these destructive thoughts (especially how to deal w/him meeting new women)?

Any advice is appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:25pm

When I found out my ex started dating about 3 seconds after we broke up, I was furious. I found out completely by accident. He showed up at a party with the new girl, and did not know one of the guests was a girl I went to school with from age 5. She told another friend of ours, who told me. I read him the riot act, especially when our break-up started as just a "break". He of course, said he had been on a couple of dates and tried to justify it and make it less than it was, and that I was so great blah blah blah. Too bad it was all a lie. As it turns out, the girl was his girlfriend, that he tried (very poorly) to hide from me for YEARS. What a dope - we lived in a town where everyone knew everyone, and I knew about her the whole time. I was suspicious before we broke up that something was going on with someone else, and holy crap, I was right. The girl he went to the party with is now his wife, and the mother of his newborn baby. The 1st few months of knowing he was dating someone else was really, really hard. A few things made it easier on me over time - first, anytime anything went wrong in his life he called me, not her. Anytime I mentioned a man's name he did not recognize, I got the third degree. Plus, an affair with a 21 year old rugby player helped too. Time will help accepting that he has moved on to another. That, and moving on yourself (esp with hot young rugby players). Two things - never let him see you sweat, and the best revenge is living well. And 5 years later, I have left our town to much greener pastures, dating a great guy for 2 years who cannot believe what the ex was like to me and would beat him to death if I said the word. Meanwhile, the ex is stuck in a dead-end job in a dead-end town and the wife is a ditz his friends don't like (and she has a giant butt, and from what I have heard, became even larger with the baby). Karma is great.

You will be fine. I swear. And there is a man out there for you who is not a complete bonehead. I promise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 8:15am
My ex met someone right away..we were having LD relationship challeges amongst other stuff. I obssessed and was physically ill knowing he was with another. The only thing that helps is NO CONTACT. What the eyes can't see the heart can't grieve.