When will I get it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
When will I get it?
10
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:04pm
Well I feel stupid, I thought things were going ok between my ex and I lately, so i decided to take a chance and ask if he would like to hang out. His answer really confused me, he never comes out with a yes or a no. He said he'd like to see me, but not sure if he is working. I have a gut feeling its going to be no, I just wish he would tell me the truth if he doesnt want to, it would be easier for me to stop asking and wondering. Of course i did the stupid thing and persued the issue, he ended up getting frustrated. I always seem to do this and wind up getting upset and him pissed off as well. I know i was the one who initiated the break up, but in some weird way i still want to see him and have him in my life. Why is it that no matter how hard i try, I can't bring myself to just break away and get over it, i feel like things are so unfinished with him. I just wish he would say he didnt want to have anything to do with me, so i could just move on and stop even trying make things work out with us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 6:08am

issa87...

Pianoguy thinks you're looking for closure from a man who WILL NEVER GIVE IT TO YOU!

There's a very good reason your EX is AN EX (and you know that reason better than any of us). So until you can accept him for vague communicator that he is...AND DROP HIM FROM YOUR LIFE...you'll continue to go through this same scenerio over and over again.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 6:15am
My situation is the same, basically. He broke up with me 3 months ago and we have had continuous communication for the past 2 months. I am always the one initiating contact with him, and I really don't want to anymore. He keeps on telling me things like "I can't promise because I might have to cancel" etc and it frustrates me very very much. When I pursue the issue of hanging out, he gets very very aggrevated and I become sad because I don't understand what the problem is. So I have decided to quit calling him or emailing him and maybe then he will start calling me, if not, then I guess it isn't the friendship I want it to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 11:54pm

We keep going back to the empty well hoping it will fill us up. Everytime we have contact with an ex, we hope & pray we can be friends or we will get "the answer" or the hope that he will realize that we are the one & he just had a lapse.

I just broke up with someone for almost 3 months. I did a self-imposed no contact for one month. It was hard but I truely believe that is the only way to heal AND if he really wanted to see or talk to me he would call & he hasn't. I can't be friends with him because I am still attracted to him. He can't give me what I want & that is why it doesn't work.

I don't know why we think we can be friends with an ex & make it all better, but I really don't think you can in order to fully heal & move forward. If one continues to stay connected to an ex, it leaves you stuck, & the door is closed for the real love that will come along. I had to also tell myself that I am leaving him open to pursue an ex which I know he has feelings for & that is the best gift I could give him... I feel like we should deserve happiness & by leaving the relationship...whether it be either person...gives the space to pursue the right relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 7:31am
I am sorry to hear about your breakup.
I am too at 41 still available and I had some hurtful remarks
from my married sister....about me being still single.
Some consolation that I like to share with you....
She mentioned that I can only live on my own.
I did not choose to be single, it is just that I dont
seem to fancy the man who are interested in me and
yet the one I want seems hard to get...sigh...
I got so upset about it.
Do you think we are different from the rest?
hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 2:30pm

Thanks nuff2.

I don't know. I just feel like more of a freak with now a diffrent digit...going from 3-4 ya know. I mean when you are 30-something it's ok, but as soon as your 40, it seems like OMG...

I feel like there is a stigma. I think I will lie and say I've been married so that I fit in better...especially on dating websites. I feel so embarrased yet the other side of me says well hey I wouldn't want to be divorced. I think love is very disposable in our society that it is acceptable to hear you have been divorced.

I don't look 40. I work out 2 hours with weights, run 5 times a week, weigh 100lbs & own my own home. I am good looking so I don't get it at all. People that are overweight think I may have it all just because I am skinny. Not true. Look, I am still by myself & alone. I have a 4 inch scar on my arm which makes me extremely self-conscious & people ask.

I think what your sister said was wrong. I don't think we are too picky(that's what I construed from what she said). It is tough finding true love & even if you do, there are no guarantees. I do think it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. It still sucks. I cried myself to sleep last night. Time seems to go by so fast. I don't feel I have much to look forward to. I used to be excited about life.

Sorry to sound like a bummer. I hope we aren't unique. Do you have a snappy comeback when people ask why you are still single?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 3:52pm
Ok do not take this the wrong way but where is your pride..why are you chasing after a man that does NOT want you?? STOP for the sake of your dignity..man, it hurts to read this..stand up tall and move on..HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 5:30pm

When you say you initiated the break up - are you saying that you dumped him? In that case, I can't blame him for not wanting to hang out with you. You have to realize that it is very unfair of you and selfish of you for expecting him to hang out with you after you have dumped him.

If he was upset by the breakup, he needs time to heal and get over it. Hanging out with you will stall that process as well as confuse him.

Be respectful and leave him alone. If you are having trouble 'letting him go', just remind yourself each time you are tempted to contact him that you are hurting him in the process. If you really care about him, letting him go should not be that much of a challenge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 6:00pm

Agreed.

It's hard for me to realize that my actions can make a man be so vehemently against me. Maybe it's easy for them to extract me from their life, but it's hard as hell for me to do the same, despite our past problems. There's always hope, there's always going to be that want to see him.

So I bluntly told my ex that I needed him to tell me - in the simplest, honest terms - why he couldn't be with me. I felt that if he really didn't want to be with me, then his answer would be enough to make me leave and get over it.

- "Do you love me?"
- "Yes"
- "But are you IN love with me?
Silence.
- "How long has it been?"
- "About a week."

I thought that was all I've ever need. Unfortunately I battle with myself, trying to block out those words and deny them.

A lot of times you feel that you want a straight answer, that somehow it'll help. Maybe it will, but personally speaking, it only gives you something tangible to hang on to, an easy way to reach down and hurt. And hurting isn't fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 8:48am

It's about being happy and loving oneself..your weight and appearance surely count but if you do not excude positive vibes and have a self confident kick ass attitude nothing really will come anyone's way...the number doesn't count either unless of course you are a woman and want to procreate. So, my point, love yourself...surround yourself with good people and positive influences...create visualizations and affirmations of your goals (very specific). I am doing all of the above and little by little I feel better..and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Peace to all..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 6:55pm
Yep...I agree & I've heard all of it too. it's hard to put into practice, but nothing else works.