Day 6

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2005
Day 6
Sat, 11-05-2005 - 5:52pm


I think Gmail is the devil. I was recently responding to an email from a friend about my recent break-up when I noticed the ads on the side...."I Miss My Ex: But I Improved My Aim", and my personal favorite, "How To STOP Your Breakup - A Guide for the Rest Of Us!"

The sad thing is that I actually clicked on one of the ads. Is this what I've come to, self-help books?

I'm not dissing them, of course. If anything, it indicates my denial. A little voice inside my head says that it indicates some hope, though. I like to listen to that voice mor often than the Voice of Reality.

I haven't even made it a week and I couldn't help myself but to check out his website/blog. It's been six days since I've stood outside of his door in the freezing cold, sober and honest and vulnerable. I apologized, I begged, I told him I'd do anything to salvage our relationship.

It was the first time I've ever been so honest in a relationship, and it was the first time I've ever seen him so strong. He denied me and walked back into his house, and since then he's done a good job of avoiding me completely.

I can't give up hope, though. I feel that if I let go of this hurt, I'm letting him go. And I'm not ready for that.

So! Day six and going strong. Well, not so strong, but you get the point.