Moving on but thinking back to my ex
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| Sun, 11-06-2005 - 8:55am |
Hello,
It's been 8 weeks since my break up with my LD much younger 3.5 year relationship. We had closure (amicable split) and I established the NC rule. We both broke it several times but it's going ok. This helps me immensely. I am seeing a therapist to look at patterns to and to proceed forward in my life. I am on a dating site to casually meet men for new social connections. This is a huge ego boost and some fun. Nothing sexual or romantic, just nice dates. I am praying and meditating daily. I read a few good break up books. I spend lots of time with family and good friends. I work out and eat well. I see some positive changes in that I no longer obsess on my ex and the woman he is now with. I do not want to call or connect 99% of the time. I know it was not the relationship I wanted for long term. I realize much was wrong BUT and it's a BIG BUT:
I miss him so. After my "dates" I think of him. I compare ALL of them to my ex (I am very attracted to my ex still)and wish I was with him. I think about him all the time, in fact all day. I fantasize about being with him again. Whilst I will not see him until April perhaps and am ok with that, I miss him terribly. I do not want to talk to him or call nor do I want him to call..it creates such a setback. It's so hard losing my best friend whom I talked to every day sometimes 10 times a day for 3.5 years. NOW NOTHING. It's like he died.
Just venting..and would love a shoulder to cry on right now...thanks for reading.
Peace

Hello Love:
I have a hug for you. This grief is incredible. And it seems that for those of us who may have chosen poorly - for whatever reason, we take it very hard.
I am 5 weeks out from the breakup and we still have intermittent contact. I initiated NC and got the most LAME response....then I had to call and vent...I know my mistake. But, we talked for 1.5 hours still no real resolution.
We both agree we are not ready to move on from one another, but he is suffering a depression that he can't seem to shake....nor will he go get help...and is unable to be a loving partner to me right now.
Now that should be my signal to move on...but my heart is still very into this man.
So, I totally commisserate with your feelings of comparing him to others, wishing they were him as I know I will do this for some time to come.
I was on a dating site, but it just made me sick to my stomach to think about another person right now.
My gameplan is to do what I want, decorate my house, paint my kitchen, finish my degree (2 more weeks) celebrate life - - because it's far too short.
Finally, I am adopting a baby in the next 6 months, and I learned yesterday in an adoptive parenting class that the attachments we lose at an early age can scar us for life...and I lost my Dad to divorce and that wound seems to be reopened whenever I am rejected by a partner. More for me to work on, and maybe your work with your therapist can give you some tapes to work on re-recording.
Love, hugs and PEACE to you. Donna