Bad judgement but doing okay...
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 11-06-2005 - 8:50pm |
Hello ladies (and gentlemen too):
On my previous post I said I would cut all contact with my ex. Well I had a bad relapse this weekend. Last night I ended up going to see my ex at his place and going to dinner with him and just hanging out with him. Well immediately I noticed something wasn't right. I had known this all week because he hasn't returned my call (or anyone else's call), hasn't gone out in weeks and just been very sad. Last night, I saw it in his eyes. He seemed sad and somewhat depressed and I tried to figure out what was wrong, but he said it is his problem and no one can help him with it, only him. I ended up staying there for almost 5 hours, just watching TV and the like. It wasn't heart breaking at all, but now more than ever I have realized the importance of being his FRIEND...he won't discuss directly what the matter is, but I know the best I can do is be there for him and let him know that I care about him. All week he kept on saying "I am not important to ANYBODY", and honestly, I just feel very sorry for him. I am worried about him, he has always been so driven and focused and now he has nothing in his eyes anymore. So I called him tonight and talked to him for a long time, just asking him what the matter is and he opened up to me and told me and it gives me such peace. I think now I can continue with my NC this week, the week after, and the week after...my goal is at least a month of NC and hopefully I can wish him a Merry Christmas and be 100% free of any emotional attachment to him (I think I am about 60% free at this point lol)...Just needed to share that and I hope you all understand my situation...but encourage me to stay strong from now on!!!
~T~

wind1valley...
Pianoguy senses your concern about your b/f's depression. It's something HE (and many other males) often experience when (they're) completely alone!
My only question is: "Can you just be a good supportive friend WITHOUT FALLING COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH HIM ALL OVER AGAIN?"
It's amazing how a comforting female voice and/or support can eliminate the unhappiness or frustrations many of us (males) have in our lives? Unfortunately, there's a fine line between vocal emotional support...and a woman assuming the idea that the man isn't capable of 'surviving life without her!'
Just be careful....okay???
Pianoguy
Thanks for your input PG
My concern for him is 100% friends level. Yes, of course I still love him but when I care about someone that deeply, when I see that they are not themselves (his eyes were "dead") at the moment, it makes me concerned and it affects me as if it was me who was going through a tough time. For me, this is NOT a moment to try to get involved in his life or anything, I am just concerned about him since he has always been the "go getter" and focused one and when I see him not being like that, it makes me worried. I am very careful now, I spoke to him last night on the phone because I wanted to make sure he was doing alright, so now that he reassured me of this, I am taking a step back, contacting him less and less, but for now, I am giving him a break and not contacting him for a few weeks at least and then call to make sure he is doing better. I know INSTANTLY if he is better or not...it is tough but it has gotten much better lately, maybe I am realizing that I value his friendship more than I valued him as a boyfriend, who knows.