I'm a mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
I'm a mess
2
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 4:43pm
I can't figure this one out. My bf and i just broke up today after 5 years. He doesnt want us to consider this broken up. He says he just wants time to think because he feels like he isnt treating me the way he should and that he thinks im unhappy. He wants time to figure out what he can offer me and whether it will be good enough. All this came up because i told him he spent more time on his game than with me. He wants me to tell him that this wont mean we can never be together. But how am i suppose to deal. We live together, its not like i can just pretend everything is ok. We just spent the last hour talking and i cant help but feel disillusioned. Everything we planned, all our dreams. It's like i have no say in whether he is good enough for me or not. God i have no idea what to do...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
In reply to: kaye5805
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 7:59am

Let me get this straight. The two of you broke up but he still lives with you? Do the two of you still sleep in the same bed? For me, 'broke up' means physical separation.

From the very little experience I have had with men, I have found that anytime one states he is doing something for his gf, he is really do it for himself. From what you stated in your post, I would suggest he needs time for himself to figure out if he wants to dedicate the time, energy or whatever to the relationship. But even if this is all about him, I don't believe that is necessarily a bad thing. Lots of folks, male and female, need to take time for themselves in order to sort through all the noise in their head. He might be feeling a little melancoly about giving up or cutting back on the things he loved in his old life but if he reflects on this, he might realize that he is gaining more from the relationship than what he is losing. He might just need to be in his own space for a while to reach this conclusion.

Good luck and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
In reply to: kaye5805
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 8:17am

I'm a little confused... but, if I have this straight I'm getting that you and your ex have been together for 5 years and live together. Lately, he's been spending more time playing video games than with you and when you pointed this out with him, his solution is a break from the relationship? Is that correct?

This is just my opinion, but it seems to me that he has probably not been happy in the relationship for awhile and this was just an opportunity to let you know. Couples tend to grow apart over time if they don't work to keep their relationship going strong; however, in my mind, if his first solution to deal with this is to split up, that isn't really a good sign.

If I were in your shoes, the uncertainty of this situation would be making me crazy. I think you need to sit down with your ex and have a frank conversation about what is really going on. Tell him you just need to know. If he says he wants a "break" (which in my experience has always been code for break up), tell him that's fine, but one of you needs to move out. I think you need to work on accepting that your relationship probably is going to end, and take care of yourself accordingly.

That's just my two cents... please let us know how you're doing.

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

Nikki