finding out he's moved on

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
finding out he's moved on
3
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 2:30pm

I don't know guys, I guess its just that even though I know I'm better off without him, once I find out he's moved on I start over the grieving process. Not at the very beginning of course, but I still have to justify to myself all the reasons I broke up with him and why he's a jerk.

I can't help that little niggling voice in my head that tells me he's going to treat the other girl better than he treated me and that they'll ride off into the sunset together.

What happened was I was doing "no contact" and guess what, he was too, after months of him playing telephone stalker! I asked him not to call me anymore and he didn't for a while. But then last week I got two messages on my voicemail where he was like "Oh its been so long since I heard your voice and I know I'm not supposed to call but I wanted to say hi." I didn't call him either of those nights but I did break down and e-mail him a quick "hi how's it going" the next day because he sincerely sounded like he missed me and wanted to say hi >:( He called me the following day and as soon as we had exchanged hello's he said: "Oh I can't talk right now I'm on my way to the hospital to check my mom in" . So why did he call me if he couldn't talk? Why not wait until he had 10 minutes to spare for a conversation?

He said he would call me "later" he never called that night. Big surprise, I wasn't holding my breath. Then on Sunday he called me on my cell and left a message. Now the wierd thing about that is that he used to call both my house and my cell whenever he wanted to talk to me. He knows I rarely check my cell....now it begins to dawn on me. He's baiting me because he's obviously moved on and now wants me to chase him. This guy should really go into acting school!

You see the thing is he used to have his old girlfriends call him when he knew he would be spending time with me so that they would interrupt us. Now I'm one of the old girlfriends he hopes will interrupt and simultaneously make him feel like a stud who has one girl beside him and another calling him. Luckily I was too smart to fall for it. He hoped that by leaving a message on my cell to give him a call I would call him back. But he obviously wasn't that intent on actually speaking to me since he didn't try my house phone and he neer tried calling me again later that evening. Plus that would explain why he called me on Saturday and got off the phone immediately. He was actually hoping to leave a message, and funnily enough he chuckled when I picked up as if to say: "How ironic that you picked up when I didn't want you too." He also hoped by telling me that he would call later and then not doing so that I would break down and call wondering what was wrong.

Oh I can't tell you how happy I am to have missed that humiliation, that revenge tactic he would surely have played. I can see him sitting there beside his new girl with that smug smile on his face as his phone rings and rings, knowing that its me -the girl who dumped him-calling him now while he's sitting comfy next to someone new! Thank God I never called! And as an additional bonus making the new girl jealous, insecure and curious just as he made me when I was with him. I know this may sound crazy, but I just needed to get it off my chest. Anyway the moral of the story is don't contact them or even respond to their outreach. Its never worth it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 3:26pm

Good job on not taking the bait!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 3:53pm

Well, I have to admit one thing that really helped was how poorly he treated me while we were together. I usually have a hard time letting go of something but I was so miserable with him and he continued to say insensitive things to me when we would speak after the break-up that it was very easy to stay away from that negitivity.

However I have been on the other side of the fence where I was the one who got dumped and didn't want to let go, but I have the devil in me when it comes to pride. If someone doesn't want me anymore I take great pleasure in ignoring them and sitting back to see if they will come around wondering why I'm NOT calling them! This usually works. If it doesn't I tell myself that if he can't even bother to be curious about what I've been up to since he left me then he obviously doesn't care about me that much, therefore why waste my time chasing him.

All in all I think its more fun to sit back and wait for them to call you....and they always do, even if they were the ones to let you go. I waited a year one time to hear from a guy. It was rough going, but by the time he contacted me I could have cared less about him and I got the great satisfaction of feeling like: "Now look who's crawling back around."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 5:52pm
Thank you so much for the warning. I am so glad I found this board. It is helping me to stay strong.