My Louisiana love is gone- long

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
My Louisiana love is gone- long
3
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 7:33pm
My Long Distance Boyfriend of 6 months just broke my heart. But to tell my whole story, I need to back up... I was married for almost 10 years when my h came to me and told me he was unhappy. As it turns out he was seeing a fellow policewoman that works his shift. A horrible 17 months later, I was finally divorced. I met the most wonderful man in a divorce chat room last april and we became very close and started dating in June. We spent hours and hours on the phone and had so much in common. He came and spent a week with me in NY while my kids were with their father and I went there and spent 6 days with him (just before hurricane katrina). We talked every day for the next 5 1/2 months. He's had tremendous pressure and stress in his life since the hurricanes- his job responsibilities have tripled, his ex wife moved his kids 3 1/2 hours from him and he's been struggling with his ex's bf being with his kids more than he can be with them. He completely freaked out 2 weeks ago when he found out his ex w was getting remarried. He broke up with me- told me he couldnt deal with the distance anymore. I know he's conflicted about his feelings for his ex wife and feels hes being replaced as a daddy. I'm just so upset. He couldnt even tell me that we were done- he had to send it in an email. I sent him a nasty reply to his email but I really regret the mean things I said to him. I've since sent an apology, but I havent gotten any response from him. It was so difficult to let him in my heart after what my exh did but I did. I now feel worse than I did when my h left because I have truly lost my best friend. I've thought about giving him some time to sort things out, but it is so hard living in limbo- I did that with my exh for several months (until i found out about the gf). I miss my best friend. How do I survive heartbreak for a second time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 4:59pm
Well, I have had No contact from him for 4 weeks now. I've tried to call him a few times and he won't answer his phone. I sent him back the gifts that he had given me and things he left behind when he visited. The pain is still there but I am surviving. I know that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he never should have told me the things that he did. Anyone have any ideas on how to keep a wall from being built?
Chris
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 8:52pm

Well, I've started counseling again to deal with the emotional fallout from my disappearing ex (it's been 5 weeks for me), so that would be my suggestion. I'm seeing a new counselor and had my first appt. on Friday. It helped, although I'm still feeling a lot of anger and I know it will be a while before I feel better. But I decorated a tree this afternoon (just a little 3 foot one) and will be wrapping presents to send to my family (none of whom live near me) tonight...doing things like that seems to help, as does getting out and getting some exercise.

I think the best way to prevent a wall from being built is to learn what lessons you can from the experience and apply it going forward. You were very vulnerable due to your divorce, so it's not surprising that you would fall for someone even though you probably recognized on some level (as I did) that he wasn't a good bet for a relationship.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 7:04pm

I'm glad you are seeing a counselor. I've gone back too. I haven't gone since my ex left, but I need to be there now too. It is good that you are journaling and exercising. I do that too when I have time after the kids are in bed.

I just got your response to my other posting because I didn't realize that it was reading the reponses as spam. My ex guy was from Lafayette. His kids lived in NO and now live near Houston too. It really is a small world. I was in NO on the Fri before Hurricane Katrina. What a great city! We were there picking up his kids for the weekend. Thank goodness I left Sat afternoon and did not have to deal with the hurricane at all.

You're right about knowing it wasnt the greatest relationship, but something about him made me believe that we could make it work.

Keep trying to keep up the Christmas spirit. It helps!! and it does get better. HUGS!!
Chris