was all my doing, so y the broken heart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
was all my doing, so y the broken heart?
2
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 12:31pm

i broke up with my boyfriend 6 mos ago b/c we were fighting and i didn't really feel "in love" with him anymore. i called him a month later to say we could be friends. we then continued to "hang out" for the past 5 mos in a romantic nature, but we did not get back together. this was my doing as he wanted to get back together. then we went on a trip together and i thought, why not actually work things out so we decided to get back together. this lasted only 5 days. we fought again over all of our same issues, we were tense and unhappy. i took it as a sign that we couldn't work things out. we were able to get along so well when we didn't have the label of boyfriend/girlfriend hanging over our heads. well, this past week my ex went out to dinner with someone he claims he is "friends" with. i was immediately hurt and angry (in a selfish way as i had been hanging out with people too during the past 5 months, all to my ex's knowledge). i told him i didn't want to talk anymore as it was only going to hurt us and not help us. for 3 days he went on and on about how he couldn't imagine me out of his life and how he wanted me in it. then we got into another argument, mostly i was mad b/c i was arguing with my brother on the other line, so when i clicked back over i was irrational and angry and said "i just don't want to talk to you anymore. please leave me alone". he hung up and that was it.i called him on friday and he said he didn't want to talk anymore and to please leave him alone. i was so sad. i called on sunday for some clarification as to why/how his feelings could change so abrubtly and he said "they just did, i know that you can't give me what i need and that i feel i have to censor who i truly am around you to make you happy and i don't want that. i want to be with someone who loves me for me". i then asked if there was anything i could say or do to change that and he said "no, it's over. i never want to be in a relationship w/ you again. i just want it to be over". i know part of it has to do with the people he's been meeting lately as he told me in all honesty that he has interest in pursuing them in a romantic way and that he wants to be in a relationship where he's truly desired as he feels he didn't get that from me.

i hung up and was heartbroken. it wassn't like last time 6 mos ago where i was able to be ok with it and move on. i don't know why it hurts so bad now and the hardest part is that there is nothing i can do to change it. nothing. he already told me there is nothing that could/would change his decision and it's time to let go. this is coming from someone who never wanted the break up and always wanted to be together. now the tables have truly turned on me and i'm so sad. i couldn't even go to work today b/c my heart is just so broken. i can't imagine him not in my life, i was so foolish and selfish, i just need a good kick in the you know what for doing this. such a mistake on my part. he was an amazing person and i was an amazing idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 1:31pm
You broke up due to fighting, got back together and continued to fight and you are wondering why he's done? He probably finally got the message that the two of you have issues that the two of you couldn't work out. Or he wanted you back so he could end it for his ego and put you on the receiving end of the 'heartache'. Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 8:40pm
Sometimes when we split we romantacize what we thought it was forgetting the bad...I too weeped and mourned despite the fact I wanted to end it many many times. Then, once we split, I was a mess..and doing the same phone crap back and forth..do u love me, yes I love u, don't call me, I need u..back and forth we went...Sometime you get to the point where you have had it..I hope u get there soon..it's been 8 weeks for me..and I am not there yet..almost I pray