talk? really need advice
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-23-2005 - 2:59pm |
Do any of you think it is wise to have a talk with my male friend about my feelings now that he is happily falling for this new girl in this life? He has always liked her but could never ask her out because they were co-workers. Now that he has a new job he has asked her out and he's been on a high ever since. It's been almost four weeks.
After speaking to my therapist today, he suggested I call up my friend and meet him to talk and air out my feelings with him. I have been hanging out with my friend since we ended a romantic dating relationship this year. We dated for three months. I was not the girl for him. He had tried to allow his feelings for me to grow but it never happened so he ended the romantic part and we remained friends since. My problem is my inability to open up and one of the reasons why he lost his attraction to me. My therapist thinks this is a good test for me to get rid of some of my inhibitions and not worry about what my friend thinks.
I have always had romantic feeligs for my friend. I have tried my best to move on by dating other guys but my friend always remained in the picture and my feelings for him never went away. In fact, they have grown but I have never allowed him to know this.
Will I lose his friendship after talking to him? He will be the one to decided if he wants to keep our friendship. I can't just let our friendship naturally drift because he has someone new in his life. Should I express these feelings?
Edited 11/23/2005 3:30 pm ET by jens128

Carrie
Opening up with your friend does not mean that he is going to propose a romantic relationship. It just means that you will release all the feelings and emotions that you have for him. It will set you free in a way. I suppose that's why your therapist recommends you to do that.
On the other way, you are already prepared for the outcome because you know that he is interested in other girl, so you won't really get disappointed. I don't think he will end the friendship, on the contrary, maybe he will feel flattered about it or he will offer help so you can move on. I think that anybody values honesty and you are being honest with him, so I don't see how he can possibly reject your friendship.
Good luck.
Edited 11/28/2005 5:32 pm ET by jens128
Good for you for not sleeping with him. In my last (almost 3 months) we also were not intimate.
I know this must be really hard but I would be honest with him esepcially if he is divulging such details (it must hurt to hear it) and he may think twice about telling you some stuff.
Friends do move on though, especially when they hook up. Like the other poster said if you can have low expectations. I am sorry you are going through this. Don't be too hard on yourself.