he emailed! i didn't answer. email insid

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
he emailed! i didn't answer. email insid
4
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 5:06pm

He just emailed this to me last night after i saw him! obviously i didn't respond:

Well little...
today was my day to have a hard time....i am sorry if i am avoiding you but its easier when i dont look at you....
I want to be your friend,just give me more time.....and i dont have a date tomorrow i am just not ready.....i want to talk in a nice way with you.
I am not angry....i just want my time.....i like you so much and i dont hold ANY bad feelings...I am sorry aout my behavior...it's my way to protect myself.......
Have a good night...we'll talk soon

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:37am
i am having an IMPOSSIBLE time. i am trying not to respond to this email. all i want to do is have a sit down talk with him one time. NOT about getting back together. about another issue that is killing me more then the breakup itself. i have asked him 20 times since we broke up 3 weeks ago and he keeps putting it off. he says he wants to do it on the phone as to not look at me, but i feel funny discussing it on the phone since its more of a face to face thing. The other reason its so important for me is we work 3 blocks away from each other and i see him at least once a day. it is REALLY pissing me off that he cant give me 20 mins of his time. i already told him its not a talk about our relationship, or about getting back together, or any of those things. it makesme angry that after 2 years he can't give me a half hour. and then to say his behavior is "to protect himself"??? what the hell does that mean? HE BROKE UP WITH ME. protect himself from what?>
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 12:26pm
my best advice it to give him time
please do it.
do not respond to his e-mail
not yet
he sound sincere just give him some time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 9:19pm

I know you want to respond to his email, but please don't. It isn't going to make you feel any better, and you'll probably feel worse afterward.

I don't know what this other issue is that you're talking about, but honestly, it sounds like you're just looking for an excuse to contact him. If the issue was, in reality, such a pressing matter, he would be just as eager to get it resolved as you are. The fact that he doesn't seem to care about it right now makes me think that it probably can either wait or just go unresolved.

I know it is hard after a breakup, it is hard to let go. But, the less contact you have, the sooner you'll feel better. Don't give in. Erase the email (and I mean really erase it, don't just move it to the trash folder). It doesn't matter that he emailed you; if he wanted to be with you, he would. There is no use chasing after someone that you're broken up with and I know from experience that if he really has a message that he needs to get to you (for whatever reason) he'll move mountains to do it. Don't let him toy with your emotions with something as impersonal as an email!

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 10:58pm

well there is an update. i saw him this evening. we spoke and he agreed to give me an hour. he said he prefered the phone to not see my face, but he gave it to me. and you are right about the "whys". in general he feels like i ask alot of questions and it stresses him out so its funny you picked up on that. i guess i am inquisitive by nature.

anyway, we sat down in a coffee shop across from each other at the table. he told me he felt nauseous and stressed out by seeing me. he told me i have some sort of weird hold on him so its easier to not look at me. then he changed. he is SO good at building walls that in the end its for the best that i don't end up with someone like that. he sat like a stone man as i spoke. every once and awhile his eyes would tear up. but he would quickly stop it in his tracks. he tries so hard to control his emotions and hes pretty good at it. not only that, but he readily admits its something he does.

after about an hour of talking we walked a bit. i asked him. did he really not love me or that was something he said out of anger. i told him it didn't matter really i just wanted know. i said its okay if he doesn't, but if he did i wanted to know. he said if it didn't matter he wouldn't tell me. it was his secret. i told him i lied and it did matter. he told me he loved me. it was nice to walk away knowing that. he asked for the street of a movie theater in the neighborhood, i gave it to him and we parted ways.

as he left i realized i gave him the wrong street. i called him back with the correct address. he told me it was really nice to talk and i told him no matter what happens, i want him to know i love him and always will. he told me he loves me, and i will always hold a special place in his heart. i am the first woman he ever loved. he started to pour out his emotions on the phone, which was odd because the entire time we sat in the coffee shop he sat there saying NOTHING. he told me he was there to listen, not talk. on the phone he said its easier for him to talk on the phone rather then in person because he gets flustered seeing me.

all in all it was nice. i had some good closure, and time will tell.

i apprechiate your feedback. so many of you were right.

by the way, i sent him to go see walk the line today, he called me tonight and told me it was a trap. when i asked him why he said there was a lot of relationship stuff in the movie. whats so funny is it obviously struck some kind of chord in him because i didn't get that from the movie at all. he said the movie was very emotional to him.