What did I do wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
What did I do wrong?
1
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 2:07pm

My boyfriend of the past 2 years told me on Monday night that he has had enough.

Just to give a brief background here...I have been living with him for 6 months while my townhouse has been renovated (haven't moved in yet). The renovations are now done and my things have been moved in, except for a bedroom suite so I am still living with him. I have asked him to move in several times and he has been very wishy washy on the issue because I want to have a family with him and he is not sure of wanting a baby so why would he move in at this point in our lives.

Anyhow, I purchased a new bedroom suite on my own Monday night and told him about it when I got to his place. He got so angry with me for not including him and asking for his opinion. He said that his bedroom suite was fine to use and that I am acting selfish and not thinking of 'us'. I told him he wasn't being fair, that I have been looking for a suite for months now so it shouldn't be a surprise. He asked me if I was still taking the birth control pill and I told him that I had missed 3 pills in a row last week and have to wait 3 weeks before starting again. This of course did not sit well with him and I admit I should have told him. He brought up past issues between us and finally said he wanted me out. I am still there until my bedroon suite is delivered this Saturday but we haven't been speaking to one another. I have practically begged him to work this out but he said he is through. This morning the anger in him seems to be gone and he hugged me before I left for work.

I understand that it's more than just furniture...we have been used to living together but we both knew that I'd be moving out and it's not fair that I have to put my life on hold until he makes a decision. I apologized for not telling him about the pill and that I didn't try and trick him like he thinks.

I don't know what to do anymore. He is a wonderful loving man and I am shocked by his anger. I want to work things out with him but at the same time keep my dignity and begging is not the answer. I have written him 2 letters and have told him how sorry I truely am but he doesn't want to hear it.

Should I give him some space? I am out of town tonight for business and I'm hoping that he will simmer down and want me in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 5:55pm

I'm not sure you did anything wrong but from his perspective - you've been together for 2 years, if your relationship has been going forward, even if the living together was temporary, he may feel that you are not of a 'couple's mindset' because you didn't tell him, consult him or even mention specifically what you were doing and how far along in the process you were. My guess, he's hurt.

However, with this statement "He brought up past issues between us and finally said he wanted me out" I am guessing that you buying without asking his opinion was a good excuse for him to get out of the relationship.

His own feelings for you could be scaring him if he thought of more of a future with you, etc. and he may talk to you at some point, or he may just leave things where they stand now.

Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie