Need some encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Need some encouragement
7
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 11:29pm


I recently broke up with my bf. It was my decision. It's been a month. NC and all of that. I'm happy with the decision. We were together for 7 months and he couldn't tell me he loved me.

Just having a bad night. Am second guessing myself. I'm in my early 30s and still haven't ever been in love. I'm a pretty normal person. I don't have horns growing out of my head or anything.

I guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. Why hasn't it happened to me!? You know... When do I get mines. ) :

Sorry just venting and feeling lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 9:16am

peacefrog...

Pianoguy has asked himself THAT SAME QUESTION every so often. .

Then he remembered the reasons why the break-up occurred. As great as A HAPPY ENDING is for any relationship....many aren't going to wind up that way? Sometimes it's one person's fault...sometimes both halves of a couple are to blame...and sometimes a split occurs because the 2 people involved have "grown in different directions" away from the other?

I guess we notice the loneliness more during the holiday season? Most people usually have the desire to spend the season with a spouse or a companion...instead of completely alone?

Hopefully, you'll eventually find your "special someone" sooner or later?

But for now...consider a few alternatives (like volunteer work...paying a visit to someone who is spending his/her holidays in your local hospital...or at least obtaining a little "emotional comfort" from the friends in your life WHO ARE WILLING TO PROVIDE IT TO YOU?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 9:45am

Do not be sorry for venting and sharing..that is what we are here for...

Why have you never been in love? Whilst I know love cannot be measured, surely you have been touched by someone in your heart??

I have loved every man I have known in some way...some more than others..I love easy...and most of all I am working hard on loving myself fully...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:03am

I second wannaheal in that this board is for you to share, and know that you aren't alone. It's OK to feel sorry for yourself, and nights especially can be really hard. You wake up, and your mind starts racing, and its hard to go back to sleep.

I know so many really great women in their 30's who are cute, smart, funny, etc, and they are not in relationships. And that definitely doesn't seem fair. But then again, there are other people stuck in a relationsip that isn't right, and as you're aware from your experience, that's worse.

Hang in there and we're here for you-

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:25am

thanks guys. your words really do help. i guess i was just having one of those days. sometimes i can be so strong and other times i almost feel like i'm hanging on by a thread.

but i know i am atleast being true to myself and that's all that matters really. eventually i'll find 'the one'. or maybe i'll pull a 'golden girls', living with a bunch of crazy, old, but interesting ladies! : )

no but really i have to have faith that someone is watching out for me and that things will turn out ok. i just spent my 20s, up til 31 (now) in the wrong relationships. i always picked the wrong guys. all decent guys, but just totally not right for me.

this is the first time that i am being strong by calling it off like i did. (its been a month) i mean in the past i probably still would have stayed, even if i knew that deep down inside it wasn't right. but the consequence of being strong are those lonely nights! ) : but i guess when i do find mr. right, this will all be a distant memory.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:30am

Hi peacefrog,
Sorry you're feeling so down. Even though you're the one who broke it off, you're still going to feel lonely sometimes. It's normal to look back at your decision and wonder if you did the right thing. When you look back now, the reasons you had at the time probably don't seem as compelling and you start thinking that maybe it could have worked. That's just loneliness talking to you! I completely understand your feelings about when you're going to get what everyone else seems to have (and when a breakup is fresh, it does seem that EVERYONE else is part of a happy couple). I struggle with that too--I'm normal, smart, funny, caring--why can't I find someone? Right now, I think that you just have to concentrate on getting past this relationship and trying to move forward. You said that he couldn't tell you he loved you, but you didn't love him either, right? The danger with the way you're feeling, I think, is that you'll be tempted to stay in a relationship that isn't right for you.

I hope you're having a better day today!
Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:38am

you're absolutely right. i didn't love him either. from now on i'm going to be really true to myself and follow my instincts even if it means dealing with some loneliness. i think that's why i haven't fallen in love yet because i was always with the wrong guys.

thanks for all your help girlfriends! its funny even though none of us have met, i can feel the love and support and it really makes the difference, so thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 10:38pm
I am sorry you are feeling so lonely. It hurts so much, especially at this time of the year. I wish you well and will keep you in my thoughts. Hang on, this too shall pass, sooner than later, I hope for you. Love, Donna
Faith