what is he doing?
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| Sun, 12-18-2005 - 9:21am |
Hi! everyone
Not sure whats going on here. My ex and I have been divorced for almost 4 months but we have here and there emailed each other..Well about a month ago he wrote me a letter (part of the letter was typed on computer and the other half he type on his typewriter and that half he decided to go down memory lane and talk about all the fun and wonderful things we did and all the "firsts" we did. We had a chemistry like no other. Keep in mind we are 50 and 52yrs old.. and that he can't get me out of his mind and he ends this letter saying forever mindful of our love. Then of course I get teary eyed reading this and then I email back on some of my memories. We decide to meet for coffee and talk about something that came up and he said that it was againest his better judgment but he wanted to see me.(first time in 3 months)Things went great like no time had pasted and when we walked to our cars. He told me that he still loves me. but he will call here and there just an excuse if he hasn't heard from me. But I think when he calls again I'm gonna ask him what he wants and to cut through the chase...When he wanted to meet for cofee when at first wanted to meet on a Wed and I told him I couldn't becaue i was going to a concert to see Steven curtis Chapman and it bothered him who I was going with...I told him it was my sister and then on the way home from the concert he called my cell at 10:45pm just to see how my concert was :) When I talk about us I hear sadness in his voice and when I ask him to think about go to the bahamas this winter he responded by saying "I've dreamed about that" is he playing games so I won't move on and start dating because he knows I haven't yet. do you think he is dating? I don't think so becuase how can you put effort into a new relationship if you are in contact with someone that you had such an intense sexual chemistry with..That would do you know good...or does he want to see how much I want him back...just some thoughts on this please.What does he want?...Thanks

Oh, Victoria, I'm so sorry to see that you are still stuck in your recovery from this sociopath, and in fact it sounds like you are going backwards.
It doesn't MATTER what he wants. All that matters is that he is a sick, sick person, and therefor incapable of having any sort of healthy relationship.
I think you said you have the book "When Your Lover is a Liar", right? You need to get it out and read and re-read the chapter on sociopaths.
Are you still in counseling?
Sheri
I think his feelings of sadness (and yours) are normal at the end of a relationship. It's normal to think - 'if we were still together, we would have gone to the concert together' - we long for those old connections, they are comfortable, that make us feel connected. I went through this at the end of my relationship as he has/had an extremely busy calendar. It's normal to feel left out, no matter whose choice it was to end the relationship. It's normal to think about the good times, cry about them, grieve for them, even to think that it could be different if you tried again, but it doesn't mean it's the right decision to get back together.
Who can say what he's doing or not doing....the question is, where do you want to be in your recovery and what steps are you taking to get there?
Carrie