1 Week til Christmas and I'm blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
1 Week til Christmas and I'm blue
5
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 6:48pm

Well, we broke up a little over two months ago and I've generally been much better than I expected, but during the last week or two I've been feeling sadder than I was before. I'm actually crying daily again. The strange thing is that I don't even want to be with him again...there were too many problems, but we had good times and I miss him so much.

I've been meeting lots of men from online dating sites and no one really does it for me. There was one man I dated 3 times and I really liked him but he's gone now, too.

How can I have a better outlook. How can I enjoy the holidays. I dread, dread, dread New Years...with a passion.

Do I have any company here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 8:08pm
I know what you're going through. I broke up with my ex a few months ago because he wasn't sure of a long-term commitment. We had such great times together and spent last christmas together so i'm really depressed over the holidays because this time last year I really thought we were moving towards something more and now it's over and it's back to spending christmas as a single woman.
I'm going to try to spend this christmas focusing on my family and making them happy and then spending new year's eve with a few friends. I started dating someone else for a few weeks but that ended quickly. It got off to a great start and I thought it was the beginning of something great and I was already moving past my ex but a few weeks later we realized we just didn't have the right chemistry. it was really sad but better to discover that sooner than later. I've tried looking at the men online and a lot of them sound nice of course but since this last short relationship ended I think I really need to take a little more time to heal.
One thing I've tried doing is volunteering a little more and participate in things like toy drives. That way, instead of focusing on my own sadness, I try to focus on other people and doing things for them. Overall, I'd just focus on your family and good friends. Your ex is gone, but you're family and true friends are still there.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 11:21pm

Hey there, just wanted to give you a cyber hug. I totally hear you...I was feeling really depressed myself about the holidays. But then I decided to get myself a little tree even though it's just me...and it was actually fun opening up my box of decorations and ornaments (I haven't put up a tree in a couple years). So I'm trying to find holiday spirit where I can...I spent yesterday afternoon shopping for my nieces and nephews and didn't think about my ex for a couple of hours! So that was good.

Anyway, maybe taking some time off from dating during the holidays in favor of spending time with family and friends would be a good idea. I think sometimes actively dating actually makes you lonelier, if you're not meeting anyone you like or the guys you do like don't call...so that's why I like to take breaks now and then.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 6:56am

I'm sending hugs to both of you!!! Thanks so much....Great words of wisdom.

I have been making cookies and shopping...the house is decorated. I do believe it's true about being lonelier when meeting people that you don't feel a connection with...so true. I met someone yesterday and he was very nice. He seems to like me but I didn't feel that connection, so I'm disappointed and now I have to let him down gently....agh.

Have a very happy holiday....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 7:49am

The holidays are definitely a tough time, especially when you once thought that you might not be spending this Christmas alone..

What helped me get into the spirit is to turn up the Christmas carols really loud in the car, and sing along! One of my favorites just came on, and I decided right then that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get into it. It also made the holiday shopping traffic more bearable. :)

Nothing will make us completely forget the situations we're dealing with right now, except maybe time. But, we can choose to do the best we can, and try to think of the big picture.

Merry Christmas!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 6:33pm
Yes, the holidays are so hard!! The thought of New Year's Eve is making me sick. We broke up over 2 months ago, and I seem to be getting worse, not better. Seems like things are never going to be ok...I went out on a few dates, but nothing came of them. Also, had a flirty phone call from a guy I broke up w/several years ago but never really got over--then found out the next day he is engaged! Now I am desperate to get back together w/my ex, even though we weren't that happy--I just can't stand being so alone. I cry all the time, and I know my friends are tired of hearing about it. Hang in there ladies--I know this will get easier, right?