Back again after over 2 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
Back again after over 2 years
5
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 1:52pm
I haven't been here for over 2 years and back again. 4th time now my unemployed alcoholic bf & I have separated. I'm getting into therapy next month. I can't do this again. I'm so tired, drained and getting physically sick from stress. I've become a codependent and never realized it. I feel lost, I know I have to pick up the pieces of my life and start over but I'm so messed in the head I can't focus for more than a few minutes at a time. I'm angry at myself for putting up with bad behaviour for so long. I'm angry at him for not seeing that he is worthy of having a good life. He states that he knows he has problems with his upbringing and has issues with his mother who also has a drinking problem but he's all talk. He's never done made an attempt at getting any help for his problems. Anything that goes wrong - it's my fault. Or it's my family's fault. Or it's a co-worker's fault. I know he's bad for me and I need to stay out of contact I just need to figure out some ways to stick to this


Edited 12/19/2005 1:53 pm ET by anewpage
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 2:54pm
is great that you are going to therapy. thats a great first step. the fact that emotionally you are drain is going to help you out a lot. as you said obviously he isnt interested in fixing his problem so just focus on you. is hard i know....you are used to taking care of him, but now is your turn. Know what you are worth and you will find happiness. easily said then done.....but believe me you can do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:32pm
it's the wait that's killing me, I wish I could start therapy right now. I asked him to leave several times before and he chose to do it right before Christmas. I'm getting very depressed and scared of myself. I feel like I'm quickly losing any sanity I have left
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 10:34pm

Codependents Anonymous and/or Al-Anon ... pronto ... go online today and find a meeting, don't wait, ok?

www.coda.org
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

Therapy is great, but ... take it from someone who's BTDT ... it is so much more beneficial to be in "support" with other loved one's of alcoholics. And, it's free. Go to therapy, but don't NOT go to CoDA or Al-Anon ... supplement this with therapy, not the other way around. Trust me on this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 1:08pm

I agree with Starbuck, please go to an al-anon meeting as soon as possible.

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 3:26pm
Thanks for your replies, I was getting a bit manic with no one responding. I'm going to an Alanon meeting tomorrow. I'm a total mess right now, probably will have a break down at the meeting but at least I know the people there know what I'm feeling. Right now no one in my home knows what I'm feeling, they just tell me to get over it he's bad for you. I only wish I could just forget, don't they think I want to sleep at night, eat properly and all? I haven't done any of that since he moved out. Today I was doing pretty good and then he came by and returned his keys to my mom(I was downstairs and didn't know he came by thank god or I'd probably have run to the door), didn't say a word but she said he looked really angry and then he screeched away. He still has stuff here and I've told him that my brother or a friend can take care of that but not sure if he'll attempt to come by and take car of it himself. I don't want him to as any contact with him would be a big setback for me right now. I asked him to give the keys to a friend and I guess he didn't like that arrangement. I think he is messing with my head. I told him when he left that I do not want him calling or coming by at all