I don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
I don't know what to do
8
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 6:52pm
Hey everyone, this whole thing is new to me but i have noone to talk to because the only person i trust ..... well we're not on good terms right now.
I found a txt msg that he sent to a mutual friend...he was drunk and said that is the only reason he txted her and said how much he loved her wanted to kiss her and thought she was hot...i want to know what you ladies think i should do.
We've been together for 4 yrs and i love him...he is the only perosn in my life that beleives in me and loves me, he told me he was sorry and that he wants to be better...but i don't trust him because i found out that he has a "crush" on her....(he told me).. i'm in a bad way and just really need someone to talk to....
thanks for listening
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:04pm

Welcome to the board pixiechick,


Drinking does not excuse what he did. If he's got a crush on her, he needs to deal with what he feels is missing between you and him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:06pm
Pixie-
I was with someone for over four years. three years into it, he told me he thought it would be best to go our separate ways because he couldn't be who i needed him to be. so i moved out in october of 05. but after a few months, he was begging me to move back in in Jan of 06. so i did. things didn't change. and in May of 06, i moved out again for some drama that had happened, not with us, with me. I find out after i moved out that during the time we were on our break, he was seeing someone else (this started before i moved out so he was setting the stage for a new chapter in his life while still sleeping with me who had no clue while we were living apart) who he worked with and it didn't work out. He denies to this day and makes excuses for it. I went almost a whole year with that in the back of my mind, tearing me up and making me question EVERYTHING he said and did. it was total hell. don't do that to yourself. no matter how drunk someone is, and i have been hammered beyond belief, if you really love someone, there is NO excuse for that kind of behavior. it will be hard, yes you have invested four years of your life into someone, but the sooner you break away, the sooner you will heal. i wish to god i didn't get back with him or else i would not be on these boards now but i did and i have to live with that. don't explain away what happened. there is no excuse for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:11pm
he said that there is no excuse for it, we are both very young, 19 and i grewup in a very broken home....everything i have i have because of him, everything in my future i have because of him....he is a really good guy but i just can't take the drama, thanks for your reply
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:20pm
Whoa...slow down there missy. not everything you have is because of him, he just added to your life. you graced him with allowing him in your life. and your future? has nothing to do with him because he will not be in it. so don't ever think that your future depends on him. you depend on your future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:28pm
last night after everything was talked about, i wanted to walk out that door, i wanted to say goodbye and i wanted to be pissed off....but i couldn't no matter how much i drove my keys into my palm and pleaded with myself to leave, i couldn't....# 1 because i love him...#2 because i had no place to go, of course i had my place(my dads) or my moms place...hell my mom would have even come to get me but i couldn't leave...i wanted to cry in his arms and i want to even now beleive him when he says he wants to be better...i want to say s*hit or get off the pot this is the last chance you have to be with a good woman.....and i did....i'm just questioning it because what if he does it again and it isn't the last time...what if i can never walk out that door no matter how hard i try....what if i end up being unappriciated and unrespected...i feel like one dumb ass girl......i'm just a mess...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:48pm
Pix, you want him to be the one to hold you in his arms because he is the one that hurt you and only he can soothe that. he can't take away that hurt, but you want him to say things and do things that make what he did seem okay. you need to use yourself to get over that hurt. how do you do it? i really don't know. I do it by telling myself that yes, i may have messed up in our relationship, but i OWN those mess ups. i can look myself in the mirror and know who i am and what i am...he can't or else he would have held open his arms for you without you even asking. my ex, my god....he never once did that after everything i did for him and was there for him with open arms...his never were...find someone that will let you cry on their shoulder no matter what the reason. not right away, but down the road. take all of these moments that he doesn't live up to what you believed he could be and hold them close to your heart and think...what about ten years from now? do i want a companion or do i want a partner? a partner knows what you need with you not even having to voice it...a companion needs to be told...learn that.


Edited 3/22/2007 10:56 am ET by nuthinbutachick
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:54pm
thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 11:08pm

Hi pixiechick:


::everything i have i have because of him, everything in my future i have because of him


He can't be your everything - your happiness, source of good/love, etc. that's a huge burden to put on someone.