broke up but didnt explain

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
broke up but didnt explain
1
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:08am

me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 years. We just got back from vacation which was a blast we didnt fight but once we got home he pretty much stopped coming over. We both are unemployed right now so to not see each other was weird to me.
Finally after 2 weeks of this i flipped out on him for going out till 6 am and not even calling me or anything. 1 minute he said he was coming over and the next he said he needs a break. He doesnt want to be in a relationship and he just wants to be alone.

He was also taking about how he doesnt no where his life is going or what he wants to do with life... which i can understand but to just leave me like that??? After a huge cry fest with him included he said he loves me very much and he just needs to be alone right now. after a few days he texted me to see if i found a job and that was about it so i asked him if he was happier now?
he said no hes not he thinks about me all the time but when hes with me im all he thinks about and he just needs to do this and hes sorry.

I feel like im going to die from heart break and i actually made myself sick. i cant eat, sleep and i havent left my house since. i dont have any friends to spend my time with so i sit home crying all day. what do i do now? just leave him alone? we have bills and stuff that we have together and we didnt talk about any of it?? How do you jsut forget 2 wonderful years like that? I also think hes doing drugs and getting drunk now like he did before i met him and im worried but have no say...

is it really a break or break up? how long do i go with no contact if he says he wants to stay friends? how do i make him miss me and come back???

sorry so long as everyone knows theres so much more that happens but any help would be great. thank you
heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 7:53am
Hi there... What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I think deep down all women are control freaks. We like to know whats going on all the time. I know you really really love him, but you need to give him his time and space. He needs to figure out what he wants and needs right now. Chances are he is already missing you. So yes... you can call it just a break for now. Don't push him to talk about it or ask a ton of questions about what he is going through. Actually, I wouldn't really contact him at all, unless it's business related (bills, etc). Have some small talk in those conversation, but don't push him to talk about "us". This could cause him to withdraw more and be turned off completely. He will figure everything out with time. Now, you have one of two choices. You can be patient and wait around for what he says (which is absolutely brutal) or... you can start moving on and re-establishing your life without him. This may give you a sense of independence and show him the sexy, vibrant, independent woman you were before him. I believe everyone should have somewhat of a life outside their relationship. Now if he ends up ending the relationship, there is a wonderful book called "It's called a break-up, because it's broken". If I remember correctly, this book suggests that you should do 60 days of no contact. I'm on day 4 myself. As far as getting him to miss you and come back... He is already missing you, but you can't make someone be with you if they don't want to be. Take this break to figure things out. Take a look at the relationship and see if its something YOU want too. There is that old saying... If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, then it was never yours to begin with. Good luck and continue to post on this board. I was a mess when I first started posting and I've come a very long way with help from these wonderful ladies and gentlemen.