Struggling with the weekends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Struggling with the weekends
12
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 10:25am

The weekends are the hardest for me? Are they the same for anyone else? I try to fill my weekends with activities and friends but sometimes I just feel like laying in bed and crying. These are times when I miss hanging out with him going to dinner then going home to watch TV by ourselves. Now I hate the empty and lonely feelings I have when I wake up.

He hasn't called and I get so sad. I get sad knowing that he has moved on from me emotionally and doesn't care or need to talk to me anymore. He's not even that great of a guy so why do I miss him so much? Why do I care that he "hates" me? He said that I've pushed him away with all the fighting that happened since our break up. This is so typical of him to always blame me. He's blaming me for his negative feelings towards me just like he blamed me for "pushing" him to hit me.

See, not such a great guy so why is it that he hates me and I dont "hate" him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 10:39am
Oh, me too. I HATE weekends, and have even offered to work weekends. That way, I'll have an excuse to NOT go out and do things. All of my friends are married/involved, and I really don't have anybody to hang out with anyway. I feel so empty and lost. We have to keep telling ourselves it will not be this way forever-because it won't!
I read a little quote once, I don't remember where, but it's so true. It went something like "You always yearn for the one who has slapped you, instead of the one that extends the hand of love." It's SO true. My ex was not bad to me, but other people in my life have been. Even if they treated me badly, it was still important to me to have their respect and admiration when what I really need to do is chalk them up to being not worth my time, and forget about them. I'm not completely over being like this, but alot better due to counseling. It might be best for you to do that before you get involved with someone else. Don't continue to give your all to jerks who don't deserve even the smallest piece of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 2:16pm

Weekends and night-time are hard for me too. I had 3 days where I was happy, but I'm back to missing him again. My ex wasn't a good guy either. He broke up with me, then sued me , and now he hates me. Shouldn't it be the other way around? After everything that he has put me through and every time that I went back to him in the past, he hates me? Now, after being apart for almost a year I still don't understand it. He still doesn't miss me; he never calls or anything. Everyone says to make a list of all of the things you didn't like about him or the things he did that hurt you. After listing things I still can't hate him! I have been through breakups before and I always bounced back in no time. But with him, it's different. I can't get over him! But he's doing FINE!

I wish it was that easy for me, and maybe if I hated him it would be. I can't hate him but I hate the fact that he's over me and I'm not over him! I hate how he can go out and party and all I can do is watch Friends episodes on DVD. I hate how I can't look at any other man and see myself with him. I hate how my phone never rings, and I hate it when it does ring and it's not him. I hate when I think of who he's thinking about because he's not thinking of me. I hate wondering who he's calling because he isn't calling me, etc... I hate everything about this situation except the cause of all of it...HIM!!!

I think it's harder to hate someone if they "hate you first." But, just because your ex says he hates you, he could be (and more than likely is) just saying that to push you away, so it isn't "his fault" that things went down the pooper... It sucks to think that this guy, who wasn't even that great, is the one who thinks he's better off without us, the girls who stuck by them no matter what!

Go out and have fun on the weekends! Make new friends and just live life. And remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and some people have to find that out the hard way.

Sorry this is so long. I needed to vent. It's kind of a "I really need to take my own advice" thing, but I feel better now! Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:53pm

Weekends are the hardest for me too..I have friends, i know i should make an effort to be with them..then i sit at home on weekends in my robe feeling sorry for myself...I was supposed to go out with a bunch of people last night..but no, I stayed home and watched sex in the city episodes..ugggg...when does it end? its been three months!! sometimes i feel like going out, but other times (most the time) i want to stay home and watch movies alone!! How sad..I am going to loose my friends because i am not putting any effort into them. I know the healthiest choice is to get out...i have no interest...i need to snap out of this being alone...i know what u all mean.......

Why is it that we yearn to be with the ones that dont want us..then dont want to be with the ones who do? i need to work on that...I want to get the feelings to being around other people again..not dwelling on the past.....bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 6:12pm
I am so hurt that he has no desire to call. He used to not be able to go more than a couple of days without calling me and telling me he missed me. Now it has been completely different. I still had a lot of questions and venting last week so we were fighting on the phone every night. It would start with me sending him a text asking him something and he responded each time pissed that I textrd him because he hates it when I text him. I feel like if he really didn't want to deal with me, he would have ignored my texts and not call back or keep me on the phone even though we were arguing. I know I wouldve just ignored it or turn my phone off. Any thoughts on why he is still willing to argue?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 8:14pm

I'm struggling too. This is my second weekend and I actually did better last weekend than this weekend. I went out for dinner Friday evening with family but after that I ended up "hunkered down" in my house. Yesterday, I accomplished absolutely nothing but watching "Cheaters" re-runs on TV--I know, how pathetic. Today, I had to force myself to put make-up only to switch my closets for Spring. I thought that would put me in a better mood but I either cried or felt completely miserable all day. I didn't even go to the grocery store or to the dry cleaners, I didn't clean or do anything productive. This is not typical for me at all.

I'm soooo tired of crying and feeling so empty. He hasn't called me either; so, I guess he's doing fine which hurts too. Even though I ended things, I only did so because he would not take the relationship to the next level. I didn't want to be in a constant state of dating. I loved him and still do. I know I did the right thing but I miss him and it sucks.

Most of my friends are married too. I guess I'll have to force myself next weekend to do something--go to a bookstore or something. At least there is work tomorrow! Never thought I would be so happy to go to work...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 1:42pm


oh bless you, i agree weekends are horrible, its just the amount of time that is suddenly available. im only on my second post break up weekend so crying is basically my main activity.
Things will get better in time because you wont always associate weekends with him they will become YOURS again. It doesnt seem like it but all of us have an incredibily abilty to adjust to things.

All in time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:38pm

I suffer during the weekends too, mostly because my ex is very predictable and I KNOW when he'll be home (Friday nights & all day Sunday) and when he's out doing his thing with his models/miniatures (Saturday nights). This past weekend was bad because Saturday was my birthday. I talked to him on Friday (STUPID ME) and it blew up in my face, so I was really sad and depressed most of the weekend. He told me he'd rather 'sit at home alone in the dark than be with me'. OUCH. Nice.

I find that even when I'm out with friends or family - I am subliminally wondering what he's doing or if I might run into him...then I get home and I'm right back to being miserable. It sucks.

I don't know why I miss him like I do. We weren't really even INTO the same things, so we didn't have a lot of common hobbies or interests. I think it's just that it feels like something is 'missing'...watching TV is different, renting movies is different, going to the movies is different...I don't have someone else's input in my ear, NOR do I have someone to snuggle with or cuddle up to on the couch.

I think one of the reasons WHY they tell us "leave me alone" but then continuously pick up the phone when we call/text is because it is a HUGE boost to their ego. We all KNOW they are sitting around thinking "I must be THE S--T because she cannot leave me alone, she still wants me, she still needs me, etc..." So, in essence, all we are doing by continuing to contact them (in any way) is making THEM feel better and making OURSELVES feel worse!!!! That's NOT what we want, is it???

Men also seem to like to argue. And if they are hurting, they want YOU to hurt just as bad, if not worse, than they are. That's where the name calling comes into play, and the empty threats of 'you won't find anyone else' or 'you'll be alone for the rest of your life'. Those are insecurities and fears that THEY have (subconsciously of course) and they can belittle us and hurt us with it because it makes THEM feel powerful.

Sad, isn't it?

Maybe we should all start a chat room or something on the weekends where we can come and talk? Yahoo or something...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 11:27pm

Hi northern lites.

I agree that they will pick up when we call or text because it gives them a reason to belittle and a chance to tell us to move on thus giving them a feeling of power and control. It does make them feel overly confident that we are still looking to them for approval and forgiveness for something we didn't do. My ex told me on Friday that he will never drunk call me again because "the sound of my voice is nasty." Well on Sunday night, as I'm finishing Its called a break up book he called me seven times drunk!

I haven't spoken to or text him since Friday and I'm really going to shoot for 60 days as the book suggests. They really are like poison in ours lives and the sooner they get out of our systems, the better we'll be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:10pm

Hey Mish, I'm glad to see that you didn't try to contact him. Takes a strong person not to get tempted into that. I'm also glad to see you realize he want he did to you was wrong and he was trying to being manipulate by holding you responsible for something you weren't. Good for you! If more girls were like you and realize that their boyfriend and relationship just isn't going to work, then there would be alot less heartache and crying in the long run. Breakups are always hard but the pain will eventually subside. You're doing great keep it up! As for the reason why you don't hate him because you're not like him. I'm guessing you're not a manipulate, abusive, self centered jerk. In fact I think you're the type of person who forgive and forgets, who learns to find good even in the darkest coldest hearts. You're a rare species. LOL. We need more people like you in the world.

Since you had old habits with him on the weekends, it's no surprise you find them the hardest to get through. Try to start a different routine. You can do volunteer work on the weekends, feels great to be able to contribute to something good. You can work out, like jogging in the park and get some fresh air at the same time. Try to throw out or lock away old pictures and things that remind you of him, concentrate on your life now. Do things that make you feel happy or relaxed.

You said you don't have money and find it hard to have fun? There are alot fun things to do that cost little to no money. Did you know alot of clubs don't charge money on certain days or are free to ladies only? There are free or "pay as you wish" days for museums, art galleries, zoos, and exhibits. Just google it. You can also make something at home and have a picnic at the park or when it gets warmer go to the beach, swim, play volley ball or get a nice tan. What about just watching television and working out at home? Do you like sports? You can play sports outside for free. Guessing you have internet access. You can play games online or search for a new hobby that's fee of cost.

Try not to dwell on the past and torture yourself. I know it feels good to cry but try reducing the amount of time you do it, it's not healthy. If stay at home every weekend and lay on your bed to cry. Try doing this on Saturday and then schedule plans to go somewhere Sunday. For example: 8am get up and get dressed. 8:30 eat breakfast 9am go to church 12pm have lunch with mom or friend 1pm go home and change to work out 2pm go to park and jog or stretch 4pm sign up for volunteer or charity work next Sunday (That way you have to get out of bed LOL) etc. Then the following week spend plan something to do on Saturday and spend less time in bed. If you feel sad you can start a diary and write your feelings down, I find that to help alot or you can call your friend to talk or ask if you can hang out at her place. Having someone else around can help sometimes. I hope my suggestions were helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:50pm

totally there with you. hate the weekends and the free time to think. and you know what's the worst? walking down on a saturday or sunday morning and seeing all the couples going for brunch. that's something we used to do every week and now i'm back to being single and having to observe it from the outside. and your friends try to be there for you but they can't babysit you 24/7.

my suggestion is try to discover things that you like doing. read a lot. volunteer. whatever you always said "i've always wanted to try that." and make plans for the weekend days in advance. so that you don't worry about it. sometimes getting out of town for a couple of days and visiting someone you haven't seen in some time helps also.

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